Being completely sober now, how has that changed your life? What was that light bulb moment? So

for me, my mum passed away two years ago and she hated me drinking, she hated me taking drugs and she would always say, why do you need drugs and alcohol to have fun? I'd be like, shut up mom, all my friends do it, you know.

But I took my first ecstasy pill when I was 15 years old and kind of created this, you know, raving family.

And I was addicted to that.

I was addicted to just going out every weekend and feeling like I belonged to a community and I was important in that community.

um and gradually over the years you know it became less for recreational use and more of an addiction but it creeps up so fast and then all of a sudden 20 years has gone past um and when my mum passed away i was like okay well this can go one way or the other and at the time my brother had taken an overdose on crack cocaine and my mum had found him And he was in ICU, in intensive care, not breathing on his own.

Three days later, my mum, we think it's like accidental suicide where she was addicted to prescription drugs.

yeah absolutely so how has that transitioned you know from when you weren't sober to when you were sober like what are those changes that I

I just can't get enough

Why am I so depressed? I've got my dream home, my dream car.

I've got amazing friends and family around me.

You know, I'm in a beautiful relationship.

Why am I not happy?

But on the outside, no one knew.

I don't think I'd played a show sober in, like, 10, 15 years-

Yeah

... because I'm sober now.

Um, also I think it's, like, happiness, I think, radiates through you when you've got that inner peace as well.

'Cause I am actually legit the happiest I've ever been in my life.

And I was, I was reflecting on the last podcast that we did in lockdown.

Yeah.

And all my friends were coming round.

And I was like, "Ben, this is your opportunity to go sober, you know? Get clean." And I started looking at rehabs for him.