And as

I'm reading it, I'm going, oh my gosh, Randi.

You are codependent.

You are making all of these choices, all of the things that have happened to you.

And there was a whole bunch of trauma in my life.

Other than the relationships, a lot of things happened to me, dangerous things.

I almost lost my life.

Why? What happened there where you said, you know, now I want something more for me?