Can you tell me a few?

Absolutely.

So therapy, as I describe it, means healing.

It is healing.

Healing can come from different sources.

So therapists are incredibly brilliant at this, but you can also be healed by a, a counselor, which is slightly different than a therapist.

By a coach, slightly different than a therapist.

Right.

What do you think?

Right, so my take on this is that they would be a unified group you know, couple, right, in the 30 years.

The point is this.

The point is that we all talk about what we think that we need, but ultimately we just want someone who's going to be kind to us, right? And I think ultimately the trap that so many of us fall into is in this long list of things.

You know, when I was matchmaking, when my wife and I had a matchmaking practice probably 15 years ago, we would have some clients walk in with 150 items on their list.

Like, seriously, like I want somebody who has good feet.

Good feet.

And

Mm-hmm

... you know, in actually who we are, what our true identity is, et cetera.

But who knows you well? Those around you, your friends, your family.

You know, back in the day, when my wife and I...

My wife and I had a matchmaking, uh, business here in the States, and what we would do is we would interview the friends and family of our clients.

Mm-hmm.

A willingness to change their behavior, right? That's what I, I look for.

So in, in the initial workshops, I'll often give a bit of advice and see how it's received.

Mm-hmm

... with our partners.

The harder the conversation, the higher quality of the relationship if you can repair.

Mm-hmm.

So I also, I will always advise to couples, if you're having a hard time having a conversation, start off writing a letter.

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Detective Morris moved this matchstick and got 9 minus 7 equals 2.

The door opened and the man ran for his life.

But the main question remained unanswered.

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but half of them is quite happy because for the 50 and 40 year olds, like, well

done.

Yes, yes.

And the reason why I feel so happy, I'm more happy because, all right, I'm going to connect it to research.

So Eli Finkel out of New York has done some research around the satisfaction rate in relationships, in marriages.

He found that 80% of marriages today are not, they don't feel satisfied with their partner.

80%.

That's sad.

How did you become an expert in dating and relationships then? What made you go, did you watch Hitch and go, I want to be

that guy? That's what everybody thinks, but no, no, it wasn't that way.

So my former career is I was in finance.

So I was an investment banker, I think the greediest career in the world.

And my boss at the time, it was interesting, his wife was pregnant.

His first child.

And he decided to come into work on the day that she was giving birth.

sense and i just can't stop listening to you

Which, which again proves this up-and-to-the-right thing, but there's just not enough men up and to the right, so there's gonna be a lot of women that are somewhat dissatisfied according to this.

All right, s- so the challenge of...

If, if I'm really interrogating this, is one is, it's talking about highly-educated women.

So we know that highly-educated women are, on, on average, dating hypergamously, right, which is what you're talking about, up.

So it's someone who's dating someone who has the same or higher level of education, the same or higher level of financial resources, and why is that? Because that's the script that society handed to women to say, "The only way you can survive is by finding a man who can deliver this to you," right? There's th- and, and I think we have to accept where it came from.

It was this terrible society of, "You know what? You're not going to be safe unless you find a man who could provide." But you fast-forward to, to, to today, a large percentage of high, highly-educated women are dating this way, but that's not all women.

The other part is, yes, are women beginning to out-earn men and out-educate men? Absolutely.

Do you really think this is the answer to this? Do you, or do you not believe that there's a big evolutionary component to attraction, selection, preferences? Like, because I, I, I'm struggling to believe that society is the only reason why we're, why we pick certain people, and I, I do part of me wonders and slightly worries that we've, we've almost desi- accidentally, inadvertently designed society in such a way where what we're looking for no longer exists necessarily, so we have to confront this new reality that, in fact, we're gonna have to adjust some of our preferences if we are gonna be happy and find what we're looking for.