So how can we tell the difference between a shadow and someone who is trying to guide us through our path and maybe guide us to the right direction to find our path?

Yeah, that's a phenomenal question because, you know, let me give an example.

So I had a parent that reached out and was talking to her child when I first wrote this book, Crew from the Shadow, and they were reading together and she asked one of the questions in the back of the book in our discussion questions.

is what is the shadow and who's the shadow or what is the shadow in your life? And the young man, he's five years old, looks at his mom in the eyes and says, mom, you are my shadow.

Now, I laugh because the parent was like, whoa, this is not the direction I thought the conversation would go in.

But I think it speaks to your question.

You know, in this case, there was two things that they had to get out of the conversation.

How can parents raise resilient children in this environment?

So as a parent, if your child struggles with anxiety, low self-esteem, and maybe peer pressure, how can you as a parent create a safe environment where your child feels comfortable and express their emotions?

Yeah, that's a phenomenal question.

And I like to tell parents this, that it starts with not really focusing on their self-esteem or their lack of confidence.

And I know that sounds very awkward, right? Because that's the thing that you're trying to fix.

But in reality, the thing that you need, though, is that environment where they feel like they can actually talk to you.

That's really what's going to help boost their self-esteem.

Their self-esteem and their confidence is going to be boosted when they have the ability to achieve something.

So, um, you can answer now.

So, uh, as a father of three, what are some, uh, leadership lesson you have learned from parenting that, uh, surprise you? As a father of three, what are some leadership, uh, lesson you have, uh, from parenting that surprise you?

Yeah.

So I would say that, that a couple of things that I've, I've learned.

Number one is that all my children are different, not just from each other, but they're different from the person I was growing up.

And I, I'll say that because I was a very young parent, and I started off my leadership journey as...

So I always tell people this.

I graduated college at I was 22, I was married, and I had a three-year-old.

So how has faith, uh, guided you through leadership challenges and personal setbacks?

What practical habits can parents build-- can help parents build stronger relationship with their children?

Hmm, so I'll give you a gift, because this is the podcast we're talking about.

The gift I, I tell people is to just kick their door down and go into the room.

Now I don't mean that physically, like witness, so just don't go break your door off the hinges.

But the gift I'll tell you is you need to be present in their world.

The problem that we have is that we've allowed ourselves to create these divides.

And it's not just the digital divides, that's just one thing that we do when we're isolating ourselves, and it's us and the children.

If someone listening feels overwhelmed- Trying to balance career, family, faith, and personal growth, what advice would you offer?

You have seen firsthand how easy it is for young people to um especially you know because um you know as a young black man you have seen that how it is easy to be misled by the wrong voice um then you know insecurities and the way it kind of is portrayed as well um so that's one of the biggest parts you know of of your commitment so i would love to know what does it cost when it goes right you know for a leader and if you can share the story yeah

no that's that's a phenomenal question and i love the way you framed it because what does it cost i love that because a lot of people don't think about that kind of leadership and what it really costs when you're talking about being an effective leader and so that's why i like the way you framed it and the first thing i would say is it costs your comfort it really really is uncomfortable to be the kind of leader that i'm recommending and i always started so you see the book it comes in three parts The first part is who are you? And that's a very, very uncomfortable place to start because especially with those high performing leaders, we're pretty strong.

A lot of times in order to get to where we are, we've done a lot of great work suppressing things and putting things in the back of our minds and pretending we're strong, pretending we're not weak and not sharing vulnerabilities and all these things.

And so now we've built this kind of person that we don't even recognize when we look in the mirror.

And now is we got to figure out how to look at that person in the mirror and get to know them.

And that's tough.

That's very uncomfortable.

We are talking about, yeah, people should know that, you know, you are doing this because if you do not show, if you do not exhibit, who is going to even know you? Who is going to even remember you? What is the first real shift that you would walk them through?

So what is your philosophy?

So my philosophy is we have to be intentional about connecting with our children.

And I say that because one of the things that I believe we have to do first is connect with ourselves.

We have to establish habits of building up the four key areas.

And I'm sure most people are familiar with them.

physical spiritual mental and emotional for example i like to do it first thing in the morning why because first thing in the morning i establish a foundation for my day and for myself and one of the things i've learned uh just talking to parents and really obviously being a parent myself is i almost feel selfish because every day i'm i'm getting up first thing in the morning i don't care What's going on at nighttime? I'm going to go to sleep so that way I can wake up.

Now, I'm not recommending this, but I do wake up at four o'clock in the morning.

If you try to drag them into our world, into your world, that moment is lost.

So, like, yeah, that's, like, an example of what I'm trying to say.

Oh, yes.

I love this.

I love this conversation because I am a guy who will sprint through a wall and then realize that there is a door right next to it.

That's just the way that I'm wired.

And so I don't necessarily think that.

Here's a problem.

Yeah, I think that example matches the question.

How did your upbringing shape the leader you've become?

So the biggest thing that I would say is learning how to focus on the things that are important.

And when I say that, I remember I was talking to my brothers or going back and forth with my brothers.

And it used to be as a young child.

So we're all spaced out.

And my oldest sister is 14 years older than me.

And then you have another sister who's 12 years older.

Now, when did you realize leadership and parenting were deeply

So what would you say to leaders who are stuck with pursuing a superficial matrix? How can they refocus what really matters?

Yeah, so let me first acknowledge that I understand why they're doing it.

Because when you look at it from an external perspective, you just look at it objectively.

When you get a job, you get hired for a job, they are expecting you to do something to impact the bottom line, right? So I'm not so lost in the clouds that I don't believe that as a supervisor, as a leader, executive leader, I don't look at everybody and say, okay, what value are you bringing to the organization? And if somebody said, well, you know, sir, the value I'm bringing to the organization is that I'm really inspiring others and I'm ensuring that I'm pursuing my purpose.

I will look at them and say, man, okay, I need to know what you're actually doing for the organization.

And so that's really why I think a lot of people chase those material things because it really ties to the bottom line.

And quite frankly, every organization runs on finances and all kinds of things like that.

friend.

Could you take me back there? What did life look like at that point and who were the people that changed their direction?

Yeah.

So at one point I was just insecure.

I didn't really know what I wanted to be, what I wanted to do in my life.

I didn't like the fact that my name was a Nigerian name growing up in Louisiana because people made fun of it.

You know, it wasn't that it's not powerful.

And then of course I appreciate it now, but It's a powerful name that I didn't appreciate at the time because it's oversized.

So how do these worlds complement each other for you, and where do they clash?

[laughs]

But anyway, I was born the fifth of six children in Ruston, Louisiana.

I grew up, my dad actually immigrated from Nigeria for college, and he's been here ever since.

They met my mom at University of Illinois while they're working on their post-graduate degrees, and then raised the six of us.

To be honest with you, of the six, I was probably the absolute worst when it came to [laughs] just behavioral problems and all that kind of stuff.

Probably how I ended up in the Marine Corps with a bunch of misfits that we are.

[laughs] And so I've been in the Marine Corps for, like, the last 13 going on 14 years now, and it's been phenomenal.

Mm-hmm