When she gives him a polite rejection letter, the reaction is, all right, just block to burn.

It's hard.

When you put it in terms like that, I do understand how hard it is to reason against that.

Because any other solution is you have to endure those 10%.

Even if it's just one message and then you block them, you're still going to potentially encourage that.

The thing is, though, there are guys that are going to do that regardless.

Right.

That's

Let's think about it in terms of, of the title of the podcast about relationships being built on who cares less.

Yeah.

I, I think the first thing men need to understand is your confidence or your value is not tied to how much you care or care less.

It's about how secure you are while caring.

I think they just look at the behavioral side.

If I don't micromanage the perfect amount of investment, then I am a loser, I am desperate, I am weak.

Rather than seeing instead, if I can remain independent as a person, if I can still speak my mind, if I can still be opinionated and have boundaries and show interest, then I'm allowed to care as much as I want to because it's gonna be seen through that lens.

[laughs]

And in the past, nobody had this many options.

I don't know how we influence that, right? Because at the end of the day, it's hard to tell people not to take as many shots as you want.

What I think people have control over are two things.

And this is what I tell my guys.

One, it's less about looks maxing yourself and then necessarily becoming more jacked or more handsome or whatever.

Like that's good in general to improve your style and your fitness and your health is fantastic.

Um, but more so like being well represented in your photos.

And the proof

They have the right to have high standards too.

I don't blame them for feeling the way that they do, right? I understand that they've had terrible experiences with men.

What would be helpful sometimes is for everybody is to remind yourself of, like you said, the reference points of good men, because it feels like that, that, that is gone.

It's, it's just basically spoken in absolutes.

When I see a lot of women's discourse online around dating, you can't even say the, the words that like there are good men because then their answer is like, "No, that's not true.

You're invalidating our experience."You have to be able to parse out, because if you're just automatically dogmatic about all men are bad, then that's all you're going to see.

So the, the first thing I would love that I tell women to say is like, look at the reference points of good men that you've seen and good men that you know, and, and don't lose sight of that.

What are women missing right now that they might need to hear from a guy's standpoint? Uh, what are their, what are their blind spots, and how are they failing to understand the male point of view at this juncture in time?