which can make us very stressed.

And I'll talk about sort of underperformers first and then Bill jump in with perfectionists.

One of the challenges I think we often toxic expectations are Really, healthy ones are confidence that if this is something that matters to you, when it matters to you, or if you really wanna put your mind to it, I'm confident that you can do well and achieve a level that's meaningful to you.

Toxic ones are I'm gonna withhold my approval from you unless you meet this level or struggle or suffer enough that I think you've given your absolute best, whatever that actually means.

And it just means that my approval, my love for you is contingent upon something where I get to say, And the challenge with that, of course, is that we think that we're sitting in the expectation that this is what's going to make kids work harder and finally step up.

But it's a fear-based model, and it doesn't work very well because you have to keep upping the model.

We also know that the major manifestation of anxiety is avoidance.

Ned, will you jump in? Oh, I'm just

They've been kind to you?

Yes.

Yeah.

I mean, they're, they're very good.

And, uh, um, but they, they got one hand tied behind their back, and they know it 'cause I was kind of chatting the woman today.

I said, "Well, I've seen in the newspaper that the Jackson building is up for sale, and they declared that now as official that, that it's, it's on the market." I said, "Where are you guys going to go now?" "Well, I don't know." And she says, "I don't watch the news any longer."

Well, you know, if this happens to anyone else, I'm curious if you two have any advice.

Prepare yourself to (laughs) go through...