And so the force of our different kicks is like shooting us backward.

I just like, I hope that the cameras and the viewers at home who are watching this on like, I don't know, Instagram live or whatever are seeing Hayes foot.

Approaching me inches away from my face at fresh after facial reconstructive surgery, by the way, I got the Anne Hathaway facelift

You never did front facing?

I did do one TikTok and I deleted it after about an hour because I made myself sick.

When I saw myself, I was like, I hate her.

I was singing a song that I made up.

And I remember the lyrics.

When did you two first meet?

Uh, 2015.

And our mutual friend, Drennon, who knew her from Chicago, uh, she was coming out to New York to do shows, and she guested on this show called Holy Fuck that I was a part of.

And he was like, "There's this freak coming [laughs] named Sarah Sherman, and I think you guys would really like each other." And then we, like, hit it off immediately, and we went on a tour with this great comedian writer named Jamie Loftus called the Sarah, Mitra, and Jamie Are Ugly Tour.

[laughs] Um, and just, like, she eventually wrote and appeared butt naked on Debras.

[laughs]

It's so real.

Well, 'cause it's like, it's such a relief to have someone, obviously in such a heightened way, but, like, talk about all these, all these things that, like, I, I also am, like, horrified by in my own body or I'm like, "Why does it do that? Why is there hair there? What is that substance?" [laughs] Like, having someone put words to it and, and show it in, like, such a nat- It, like, it, it is so heightened, but it's also, like, how I feel looking at, like, these parts of me.

Well,

cause it's like, it's such a relief to have someone obviously in such a heightened way, but like talk about all these, all these things that like, I also am like horrified by in my own body where I'm like, why does it do that? Why is there hair there? What is that substance? Having someone put words to it and show it in like such a, it like, it is so heightened, but it's also like how I feel looking at like these parts of me.

And she really brings it to life in a way that is actually very inviting, I feel, where it's like, I'm disgusting.

Aren't you disgusting? We're all disgusting.

No, you're the disgusting one.

Exactly.

Thank you.

That's great.

[laughs]

But they all have, like, holes in them.

Um, and but, but I, I, yeah, it's either that or it's, like, get some, like, amazing, like, ethically made, like, crazy la- I have, I have, like, either, like, the ugliest, biggest underwear or, like, like, underwear that I spend a million dollars on that are, like, made of silk and I wear, like, once a year to be like, "Uh." [laughs]

Mm-hmm.

Like, it just felt so important.

Um, and I, yeah, I, I remember, [laughs] like, I was, like, dating someone or, like, whatever, not even dating, but, like, he lived, he lived far away, so I mailed him a set of Victoria's Secret underwear and bra and was like, "This is what I will wear when I get to you," [laughs] when I was, like, 19.

(laughs)

Funny.

And t- and she was like, "He wasn't that into it.

I was super annoyed.

I thought it was the coolest idea." I was like, "I would've been-" That's...

Wow.

(laughs) Do you think, like, next season they'll say, "Hey, could you give us 300?" Yes, of course I think that.

Right.

... which are, like, you're getting the kebab, you're getting, like, the shirazi salad, like, all the stuff you kind of recognize when you think about Persian food.

Um, and Azizam had a bunch of different types of dishes that I, that I personally had not had or had not had in Iranian restaurants, so that was really cool.

Um, and I think, what's it, Sofre in New York, I think is really good.

Um, they have a second restaurant that I can't remember the name of.

But I, I mean, I have, I'm...

It's hard to go and not like it, I feel like.

Your thoughts, your fork score.

(laughs)

If it ain't broke, don't fix it, honey.

(laughs) I don't know.

We like old Grinch.

And I, and we like, we have a cartoon and we got a different one.

So, and we don't need a third one.

(laughs)

Grinch is the people's princess.

And what are you doing now?

So, I was in a really dark place, and I realized that the thing that worked best for me was self-soothing and little mantras and stuff like that.

So, I have put together a deck of cards with a bunch of problems that you could have.

And then on, you see...

So, you sort of pull the problem and-

What do we have?

"Look at you.

Frowning."Have you ever considered that the sun shines brightest when it is dawn? And birds chirp loudest when the sun goes down? So wipe those tears and remember that dancing is happening when no one is even watching as long as you believe in the dream of what a movie can look like.