Can you tell us about the process of writing that memoir and what you've learned from it that you would do differently next time?

I think that when I first started writing, because, you know, in memoirs for a lot of people it's very, it's, It's a piece of information that shares a lot of our personal lives.

And for a lot of people it's, you know, those can be painful, traumatic, can be hard times, can be really good times.

It's sort of a lot to, you know, you're really vulnerable when you're leaving yourself on the page.

And I think initially when I got into it I realised wanted to write something that was easy to read.

I wanted something that was happy and I wasn't really quite ready to share the vulnerable parts of my life, I suppose.

And over time, instead of writing what I was writing for everybody else, I decided that I was going to sit down and I was going to write something that was completely raw, like You know, Anne Lamott says, you write to know what you think.

Did you go down that decision path of like, well, it's going to be the better way to tell this story?

But as you say in the book, it's not – that simple when you're in it day to day and you're in that environment and you're also fighting yourself as much as this man

i think nobody tells you that sometimes the worst thing that can happen to your abuser doesn't appear as an abuser he appears as everything you ever wanted and for me that was you know acceptance and he'd been through stuff as well so he didn't judge me for mine and you know and He sort of, it was probably not what I had chosen for myself, but it was, you know, it was kind.

And I think it is really hard for women to reconcile, and I see it every day.

I work currently as a domestic violence practitioner now, so I have women sit in front of me every day and tell me a lot of the same things, and it's quite tough.

And these men are, well, or women or, you know, domestic violence can happen to all of us in so many different ways and relationships that these people who are, you know, we can sort of characterise as villains for us are not just that.

You know, they've got moments of kindness and they've got their own vulnerabilities and they've got, you know, they can be your confidant and your friend as well as your abuser.

both things can be simultaneously true at once.

Tell me about that journey and that part of your life.