qualifying stage and you just went and got in there did you yeah

just went down and had a chat to them Okay, England have just beaten Belarus.

I'm joined now pitchside by David Beckham, John Terry, David James, Steve Bruce and Harry Redknapp.

Gentlemen, I have to ask you the story everyone is talking about.

The mystery flasher in the England camp.

Now, a figure has been seen lurking around Wembley and around football grounds across the country.

People are saying it's someone in the England camp.

I'm going to call the

yeah, well, obviously the meal thing's not going to be, um, like, sorted between you.

And I've said that, I mean, I think you're coming from a thing that you want to just maybe have a little forkful of the other person's.

Mm.

Yeah? Why don't you just order what you want and eat that instead of fiddling around with my dish? By the way, though, if you're not going to finish that, I will help you out.

That's a separate issue.

That's a different part of the debate.

It's moved on at that point, when you're dealing with leftovers.

run, that will happen.

says that?

Ah, Pilips at university that I used to know.

Used to put all sorts of rubbish in them.

Where's your meat, Dave? What are you messing around at? He went to the shop and bought garlic sausage one afternoon just to shut me up.

Is it all true? Well, I ate most of it for him.

He went mental.

And I polished off his chow mein from the night before.

He was crying.

um now what do

you think of that producer adam i think um first of all be grateful that he's missing you right you've clearly got a guy there that loves you whining on the other hand i mean if the fella's listening listen to this Whining is never attractive to anyone.

No.

Even when your mates start whining about stuff that is justified whinging about, you think, oh, for God's sake.

I've given you five minutes, you're still moaning, this is off.

Yeah.

A year's a long time to be apart, I have to say.

Do

What have you been on? I was on Central News East in 1998.

Caught you, did they? Yeah.

No, they found...

Caught isn't the right word.

They found me.

It was before...

You know when there's like a big England game on? Yes.

Is there a small part of you that hopes that Anna Friel is listening to this?

It might be great and it might be terrible.

Yeah, but I thought at some point Elton was going to sort of rise out of the stage.

I was genuinely thinking Elton's going to turn up here because this is pure Elton.

Oh, brilliant.

One thing I really liked about it is how they do coppers and coal miners dancing and singing and it doesn't look corny.

I find that impossible to believe.

I thought, you know what? They've done that alright.

Have you ever sort of just lost it, just done something that, ah, just got lost in the moment? I got a pint chucked over me.

Um, what have you got?

Um, well, I've put three categories.

Food, comedy and misc.

Okay.

Food, narrowed it down to the steak I had for breakfast the other day.

Absolutely delicious.

A lovely peppercorn sauce on it.

Yeah.

Um, what have you got?

Um, well, I've put three categories.

Food, comedy and misc.

Okay.

Food, narrowed it down to the steak I had for breakfast the other day.

Absolutely delicious.

A lovely peppercorn sauce on it.

Yeah.

He's doing his Nigel Spink thing.

I do not pretend to be good at football.

I don't look like I'm good at football.

I'm not good at football.

I'm a chubby lad, right? And my fitness is poor.

Turned up to play comedians football the other morning, and when I arrived, people were chuckling a bit under their breath.

Yeah.

Stunning two-yard screamer.

Hamish in Belgium.

What are you playing at mate? You are playing a very risky game here because Hamish exists in Belgium.

Hamish in Belgium? I can't believe you would think- right first of all- You're too drunk.

You've got in drunk.

I

don't do that.

You know I don't do that stuff.

No, it's fine.

only apply to sausages or other things?

I think it applies to some other things as well, but generally in a fish and chip shop...

I'm allergic to fish, I wouldn't know.

Pays.

I've no empathy for people that order them.

So there's that.

Yeah.

Lots of places to sit and eat chips, aren't there?

anyway,

anyway.

Yes, so first of all, get yourself sorted.

So be happy and be content with yourself.

That's got to be the first thing.

Don't go making a fool out of yourself.

From what this lad is saying, these people are in two separate groups of friends.

Yeah.

Claire, so this is what we're all about.

Right.

This is a corker.

It works for men and women.

Oh.

A unisex tip? Absolutely.

Use a different aftershave or, for ladies, a perfume.

Yeah,

Spaniards.

I think it's because of the sp.

Yeah.

It's got a sort of...

It's got a harsh...

Spaniards.

That's it, it was a Spaniard.

We could do a little audition now.

As if

Christina Hourigu's listening, going, yeah, you tell it, Fordy.

This is the classic nature or nurture thing, right? Some children are born a little bit naughty.

If you leave sharp objects around, they're going to use them.

If you don't ever give them a sharp object, they're never going to stab anyone.

I'm trying to get fit.

You fill this place full of donuts and Bakewell slices and a hot chocolate machine.

peace out take care al this is a snippet of turn back time by share and then it will magically mix itself into a session track by finley quay so come to the end of another marathon uh we're going to play out with a session track from finley quay which was recorded um it wasn't recorded in 2001 that's when the cooper temple cause was we can't leave without revealing your new money making scheme

I was just

setting the scene, you know.

Yeah.

All I'm saying is, Seven is young these days.

Right, anyway...

The Daily Telegraph.

I picked this especially for you because I know you like your good deeds.

It's

I'm a

professional.

Next week, our fair nation's capital will be teeming with do-gooders, well-wishers, and thousands of fit people showing off to raise their self-esteem and some money for charity.

Be the London Marathon.

Ordinary, decent, law-abiding families who want to spend the afternoon binge drinking are going to have their day severely disrupted by this selfish event.

They even risk having their normal activities caught on camera as the TV stations follow the jogging idiots through London.

For most of us, the marathon is an example of effort over talent.

I mean, you know it's 26 miles, don't you?

You sent me a text earlier in the week saying it's all in blocks.

Yeah, it's all these skyscrapers being built.

There's no natural land around.

So it's all man-made.

It's very odd.

It's something quite sinister about it, but I like to think that the Jubenees have taken me to their hearts.

It's probably on a flood warning at the moment, isn't it?

I think the problem is why I got burnt.

These are the 40 Files.

This week, the G20 tackling the big issues of the world of the week.

This week, protesters descended on London to voice their anger at various things.

The global financial crisis, the people they see as culpable, and shop windows.

Watching things...

Watching things getting smashed up and seeing people with bleeding faces isn't the sort of thing most of us like to see.

So what better ways are there for people to get what they want and change the world more effectively? Well, I'll tell you.

one week one feature 40s one week feature this week

think about the economy right i was having a curly whirling last week and that's when it hit me i'm trying

what a coincidence that the place money print is printed is also called the mint we've had chocolate We've had chocolate coins, but they were withdrawn by the powers that be, because they kept melting and were impossible to cash up, especially in places like cafes and pasty stands.

As we all know, mints don't melt.

My solution to the economic crisis is to make money out of mints.

Every other country will want to invest in Britain, if for no other reason than novelty factor, and everyone's breath will smell better, so the conversations will be more productive, and we'll get more big ideas to solve things like the G20.

That's the 40 Files this week.

Wow.

That

We went out for Cluffy's birthday around Nottingham.

With I met up with some old pals of mine from uni and we ended up bumping into Shane Meadows What you Adam and Eve and I invited him on as well Onto the show.

What did he say? Oh, yeah, mate get in touch.

Yeah, I might do that.

Yeah Words along those sort of lines.

Increasingly vague.

But he was brilliant.

had enough of Cluffy when he was alive, let alone

yes

i've Look, when people change their mind, I think it's okay to accept it.

And people have to be honest enough to say, based on the evidence that we have at the time, it was the right thing to do.

Oh, that feels good, doesn't it, Britain? That sounds really dirty now.

I... can't apologize for the comments i made before because based on the information i had at the time they were right new information you entirely

Can I just say already,

that one's in.

That one's in the bank.

one week one feature 40s one week feature this week

the future of the world that's the one it's called i haven't given it a title you see so okay well i have but it's sort of the pun right anyway don't be ashamed of a pun mate A new solution is needed to bring harmony to troubled regions.

The avenues of diplomacy seem exhausted.

No matter what side of the divide people are on, they all need to eat.

Surely that common bond of food could be a force for good.

Look out, Jeremy Vine.

Yes, it can.

can't see this failing.

But for now, it's a short trail, and then it's Hoover.

Since the dawn of time, true greats haven't been able to resist a comeback.

Jesus Christ.

Take that, Peter Mandelson.

But it seems that there are more comebacks now than ever.

Whisper Bars.

Boyzone.

this.

These are the 40 Files.

40 Files this week are about cloning, because today marks the 12th anniversary of the announcement that scientists have cloned a sheep called Dolly, that was actually born in 1996, but we're really proud about it.

12 years ago, today.

Since that day, wild theories have filled corridors, classrooms and pubs about the possibilities of cloning.

Have they cloned a human and not told us about it? Have they spliced wolves and men together to breed ultimate soldiers? No.

And who are they exactly? The FBI? Some secretive, sinister global power cartel? Or a load of mad quacks in labs on the south coast of England? The reality is probably the latter.

Since Dolly, dogs, horses and bulls have been cloned all over the world.

I met two, they look very similar