I am selling the building.

The final season of FX is the Bear.

The

We have each other.

FX is the Bear.

The final season.

All episodes now streaming on Disney+.

One.

It's his evening pursuits that are raising eyebrows at the BBC.

Alan is a serial letter writer.

Selden has his correspondence published due to their foul content.

Not only that, but his opinions are, in the opinion of Fleet Street's finest Paul Dacre, quote, woefully ill-informed and hilariously inconsistent.

In the last week alone, Titch Marsh has held three different positions on the Lisbon Treaty.

On Monday, it was a necessity.

pricks.

We should

clear that up.

The flames lick at our helicopter as we flee the scene.

It looks rather like the dance floor I was on last night, actually, covered in glass and mess.

Although the soundtrack to this isn't as pretty.

Screaming children, no match at all for the rendition of Summer of 69 that I was pumping out last night.

Anyone who was in chambers on Parliament Street...

If you were here for it, you would be

opposition from

reading his facial movements and beating him.

Unfortunately, Chuckle couldn't keep his damn trap shut and would exclaim, Oh, bugger! Oh, yes! depending on what hand he'd been dealt, making the most popular poker player in Gool.

He racked up debts of 71 grand and simply did not have the means to pay.

Chuckle was now a wanted man and went underground to evade capture, walking the streets by moonlight, taking comfort with the catnaps under the bridge and eating leftovers from Bert's cheesy grill.

The whole sorry affair inspired him to turn to comedy, where he made a fortune and promptly settled his debts.

with notorious hood gangster, Sean the Hatchet Almy,

Great

Exactly.

Fordy's Rumour Mill.

With me, Matt Ford.

Take it away, champ.

Ex-Darby County ace Marco Gabbiadini...

Lovely start.

...heard himself the nickname Gabbo, an imaginative play on his surname.

Ricky laughs Oh ho

Badass.

But I remember one year, and the person has to remain nameless, but, uh, a few years ago, I did dump my then girlfriend the day before Valentine's Day.

You know, you could've made, you could've made something.

I, I didn't, I wasn't as, uh, inventive those back then as I am now.

[laughs] I had no, I had nothing about me at all.

I just thought, "God, I've got no money 'cause I spent it all on booze last night."

Right.

So armed with that information that they didn't know I had, they'd come to the bar for, I don't know, a Wicked or summat, and I'd say, um, "I'm really sorry to do this, but I've got this brilliant new trick where I can-- I think I can read people's minds."

Put your hand on there

... strategically do the kind of...

Is it K- K- Kel-- Katie? Isn't it Katie from W- Woke-- Wigan? And they'd go, "Oh my God!" And I'd say, "Look, you're not gonna believe this either.

Um, I've got this new technique where I can channel my thoughts and emotions, and I can get a number.

And a- apparently, I-- It's this thing I heard on the internet.

If you ring that person, they're the person that, you know, you're meant to be with."

[laughs]

His disrespect doesn't stop at the local cuisine, it also extends to the wildlife, who have suffered at Todd's hands for too long.

Since moving to the area, many species have been displaced, and marine biologists blame this on Carty's bad attitude.

It manifested itself in verbal abuse towards two ducklings after an all-day boozing session with good friend and confidant, Danny Baker.

Carty has hated ducks since birth, and the species was singled out by the star in his one-man hate wave.

... involves a D-list celebrity in some way swearing at animals.

[laughs] That's right.

I just love it.

[laughs]

Scientists and biologists, scientists and biologists are aghast at the latest trend sweeping the African outback, elephant revenge.

That's right, God's favorite lumbering stampeder has found a new hobby.

Tired of chewing on bamboo, elephants across Africana are turning on each other and humans.

Save for the odd circus, humans have been pretty decent to elephants over the years, and the relationship spawned a top 10 hit for the Mother Trunkers-

[laughs]

...

in front of a half-eaten pie and mash with lashings of rich ale gravy.

[laughs]

Because if your day is boring, you can set yourself these little things.

The danger is, of course, when you then start adding other ones on, you get a bit too cocky.

You think, "Oh, I'll get to the crossing before the bus does." And then if you're way ahead of the bus because it's gone into the wrong gear, you then think, "And the two cars behind." You then lose the test and you're on a negative.

Stick to very clear goals.

Slower

... towards me along the path.

I stopped the ball so the small child could retrieve it without fear of being trampled by other runners or knocked down by a reckless cyclist.

So, I mean, had you done Andy Burnham before? Was he, was he close to your repertoire? Because he's also been around for a long time.

No, I thought I...

He's got one of those voices that I thought I could probably get him quite easily.

And I remember, uh, doing a sort of, uh, prototype Burnham impression when he stood for the leadership in twenty ten.

Maybe twenty fifteen, actually.

And just no one really knew what he sounded like.

It, it, so it was, it was basically pointless then.

He's trying to communicate, you know, the, a, a sense of positivity, but then that's quite difficult, i- how long he can keep that up as prime minister because bad stuff happens as well.

Yeah, yeah

...

I only impersonate white people.'" So I was like, well, I've got to now do a Kemi Badenoch.

And what she's...

She's kinda got those two accents, Nigerian and British, so she's got quite a musical voice.

But what's really funny about her is insults will just come out of nowhere.

She's capable of being really collegiate and cross-party, and then out of nowhere she'll just be really rude.

Yeah.

[laughs]

And I said, I said to Simon Jordan, I said the same thing, is that I don't think this is about England.

I think England have been very, very lucky.

And I think actually you could make the case that Scotland achieved more at this World Cup in, th- than Eng- I don't know where this one's going either.

I don't know-

Uh, Keir Starmer has said he's gonna be there on Sunday.

Yep.

"Of, o- o- of course I want to be there, Chris.

Mm.

I think you pick up on...

I watch so much of it just because I enjoy it.

I enjoy-- I'm sad.

I like watching PMQs.

I like watching Parliament.

I like watching the speeches in full because I think sometimes when the media will pick out things, I think that wasn't necessarily what I took from that.

No.

let's paint a picture the world cup final is on sunday in just over a fortnight time england win and the following day andy burnham heads to the palace and he becomes prime minister which is what would that be just an amazing start to his premiership if that all happens

Oh, of course.

I mean, you couldn't hope for a better moment.

And I think particularly, I often think about this.

I think these moments can be more profound for Labour governments because I think centre-left, maybe left parties and left politicians struggle more with a sense of national identity, specifically around England, than they do anything else.

And I think the rest of the country is way ahead of them.

We are really comfortable with who we are.

Matt, look, Andy Burnham, is he perhaps the most convincing football fan in Downing Street since, well, at least since David Cameron forgot which team he supports?

We're gonna attempt for Neil to complete the album without ever buying a pack.

This could be like one of those Subo things, though, where at first you're the really the public darling, and then the tabloids are gonna be after you.

[laughter] The, the tide's gonna turn.

"Hang on a minute.

He's getting all these free stickers, and he's done nothing for it.

He works in radio.

People aren't gonna believe that you're skint.

[laughs]

Is that in people's thinking, do you think?

I think it will be for some people.

I actually think Russia were, are far worse, and they had already invaded Ukraine by the time that they had been awarded the, uh, World Cup.

They'd killed people here.

You know, they are, they are by far a more malign, um, actor in the world.

They're a terrorist state, and, and they were rewarded for that.

I, I, I just...

Does it take it off it for you or not?

Mm

... about whether things or a lot of things are either public or private.

As long as it works all right and it doesn't cost too much, you sort it.

I've got to get on with my life.

You know, family, kids, health, whatever it is.

They don't want to have to constantly think about why the government keeps changing its mind, or why people are resigning, or why things aren't working, or why they're not doing what they said they were gonna do.

It str- it stresses me out.

Yes

Yeah.

And I think politics gets into a dangerous place where you start seeing the positive even in, uh, opponents that you consider to be sort of at the fringes.

Um, I have an issue with any leader who allows their supporters to behave in a terrible way or, or sort of riles the crowd up.

It is an instinct that I think sadly has been present in every political party in the last 15 years, and I think it is horrendous that political leaders are so weak they cannot, they cannot challenge their own supporters, their own activists, their own MPs.

And I think that's partly why all of the parties are basically polling around 20%, plus or minus 5 depending on whatever happens that week.

It's that you've just got a load of separate parties only talking to their own, that we've...

They've become smaller and smaller in terms of the people they actually want to engage with.

Yeah

What would Donald Trump be saying about England's chances in the World Cup after last night? [laughs]

I te- I gotta say, Jimmy, I love this show that you're doing with Shane Douche.

And I, I, I hate the way that he was treated very badly, very badly by Derby County.

I thought he did a great job for them.

A great job.

But I gotta tell you, I...

The people I feel sorry for, Johnny, it's, it's your people.

[laughs] So do you think Forest will stay up, Donald, this year? Will Forest stay up?

Mm.

And then I saw a doctor in Edinburgh, and they said, "Oh, you've probably slipped a disc, so have an MRI because we need to know which one you've done, and you just need physio." [laughs] And then I went back, and the guy, oh, man.

So I got a scan over in Glasgow.

The amazing doctor called Rajan at the Glasgow Royal Infern- was really funny, and he was like Scottish Asian.

And he would ...

I hate ...

Back then I hated needles, and I was like, "I can't." He was like, "Well, we're gonna have to take blood." So I was like, "Oh, man." And he go, "Oh, stop s- being so English.

Yeah.