to realize as you just said sometimes you were in favor and other times you weren't in favor and probably you were in favor because the things you did everybody liked and then the things you're supposed to do you didn't like doing you didn't do and then it you fell out of favor so it is looking and having the courage to change looking at yourself and say no i can't do this and i have to change way i do and be strong enough and it is about looking and being strong enough to do that and how did you find that strength

for me it was it was a simple philosophy very simple philosophy it was a case of am i afraid of death no i'm not afraid to die it's not something that I'm afraid of at all.

So I thought, well, if I'm not afraid of dying, and that's the worst that can happen, or perceivably the worst that can happen, then I have the courage to look at other things.

And I'd had a few life experiences where I'd really had to stand up and face my fears head on.

and look down the barrel of a gun except the wrong side of the the barrel and when i realized well the worst that can happen to me is upon myself on the other side you know on the other side of this life and i'll deal with that then and if that's the worst that can happen to me i've got the courage to then address my life and if i'm not finding it in ways that are very normal and sort of mainstream and i need to look further afield yeah i still had the spiritual element to myself that carried me through all these years and um i knew that there was there was something that we are not seeing and i felt like it was almost like a veil in front of me i just could i couldn't quite make out what this was but i needed to to lift that veil and figure it out so i started studying a number of different spiritual modalities i started studying um healing modalities of various sorts and for me i eventually came up with this formula of what worked and what didn't but i would i would i would attend a healing session for example perhaps reiki as a good example i'd attend a reiki session and i think did that actually shift anything within me like yes it did oh okay well perhaps do a weekend course on it and i do a weekend course on it and i think okay i actually really enjoyed that and i got that because energy healing and energy work i'm not talking about energy in terms of lights and electricity but the energy that we have within our bodies i knew by then i'd learned how to be able to switch that on within my own body and i thought oh there's definitely some truth in this because i could feel it within my own body so i knew there must be an element of truth even if the science is not there to support it yet i knew that there was that element of truth so i would then say okay well that now i want to master it i want to become a reiki master and so i did and then i'd go into another healing modality and then i i think Yeah, you know, I did feel a shift within me initially, but when I studied it for perhaps the weekend course or the short course, yeah, didn't really pick up that much.

So I would discard it and move on.

I'd take whatever learnings I could, but I'd discard it and move on and I'd try something else.

yeah