... be something you lived through?

Yeah.

Well, okay, to be honest, I guess that I can track the real origins of it, uh, back to my daughter, Nora, who in the last year or two of her life confronted me several times.

Um, one time she turned around in the middle of some other conversation and said, "Marm, you..." That I'm Marm to, in my family, to my kids.

"Marm, you are the most talented of all of us.

What the fuck is wrong with you? You could do anything you want." And at the time, I was sort of a combination of, of, uh, of hurt and complimented [laughs] because she felt that, but I also, I hadn't reached the place that she thought I could with my, my art and with, you know, my talent and, and with the things I'd done.

And looking back on it, while she was still here, I thought, "Well, you don't understand about trauma, and [laughs] you don't understand about what it takes to raise kids and how you can't..." You know, but she, as kids often are, was actually very right, and I, I had that in my head all the time after she said it.

That's okay