What causes that disconnection over time?

You know, it makes me come back to the word intimacy.

You know, we...

What does that mean? How do we feel like we can share what's inside of me? That first of all, I can know what's inside of me.

That's sometimes hard for us for a whole bunch of reasons.

Maybe nobody ever really cared what was inside of me.

So I have to learn what is inside of me.

So

How do you almost have that discussion about mismatch desire?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, you know, I just want to say that it's, it is really the theme, a big theme in my own life.

And when I, you know, think about bringing it to other people's lives, I, and, and working with them in it, I just want to, you know, even just in your difficulty formulating the question, I'm like, oh, I have so much humble.

I feel so humble in the face of the pain that they're experiencing.

Like, I just want to say that, um, And I'm also endlessly fascinated by like all the ingredients that go into making this hard.

How do you handle that more delicate conversation?

So what do you understand about it? Or what do you think people misunderstand about mismatched desire? Yeah.

Yeah.

This is really the core of my work.

And it is the most common thing that couples will bring to a sex counselor or therapist.

So if you are listening to this and you are experiencing mismatched desire, which basically just means one person wants more sex, the other person wants less sex, or maybe it's they want a different kind of sex or they want sex at a different time.

So it's not always about frequency, but often that's what it kind of boils down to for most couples.

So this is what I generally say, mismatched desire is normal.

As like my final question is, So for people in their 20s or probably young adults, right, trying to build healthy relationships, what advice would you give about intimacy, communication and creating connection that, you know, deepens over time?

Can you just bring to our notice some more information on perimenopause and menopause?

Yeah.

You know, for so many years, there were no good conversations about that because the medical field had concluded that hormone therapy wasn't safe.

And I'm really happy to report that that misunderstanding is getting clearer.

And so a lot more information is coming out to women about the possible treatments.

You know, I think a lot that people never stop talking about it because if there's no treatment, why bother talking about it? But as to your point of like, what does menopause cause? I think that hot flashes are what everyone is aware of.

Hot flashes can be extremely debilitating.

So, Larry, how about anxiety, depression? What do you feel other mental issues can contribute to our sexual consent and also medication?

What actually happens in the body when sex starts feeling like pressure instead of pleasure?

Yeah.

I think the pressure instead of pleasure makes the higher desire partner's feeling of desire more intense.

You know, we talk about this idea of the angry little monitor.

If I want something and I don't get it, then it makes me want it more.

It increases the feelings in the body fundamentally.

My anxiety and my worry about it is going to increase the way that feels.

How do you suggest people talk to their partners about mismatched desire without it turning into a fight?

Can you talk a little bit and share how that process was discovered?

Sure.

So really, the fee-for-service conversation happened during the Raise Up Texas middle school project.

I talked about that a little bit earlier.

It's a middle school project.

It was three years ago.

20 plus schools were involved in this middle school project.

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