[laughs]

I lost myself so quickly, and it was so intense for me.

And it was reflected back to me so quickly, that feeling of, like, being used, being discarded was reflected back to me 15 minutes after this man finished and said, "I made a promise to myself that I wasn't gonna date anybody." I'm like, "Then why the fuck are we dating and didn't you tell me this?" And it hurt me to my fucking core, and I still have residual fallout from that.

It's like you saying, like, you look back and you're like, "What was going on?" What was reflected back was, truthfully, every single place in my life that I was using and discarding myself because I didn't ask questions.

I didn't ask intention, and I didn't speak my needs, and I didn't say what I wanted, and I threw away everything that I was so quickly to get in bed with this man because I was like, "This is it.

This is my person." No, it fucking wasn't.

It was my pattern.

But I never stopped also thinking the other person was the ideal, this is just a new ideal for now, and how messy is that?

What was your journey? It's such a good question.

There's been so many things.

The last two really got me.

The last two men that I have dated, aka hung out with, aka slept with.

I also had a spiritual awakening in 2021.

I was going through that first guy that I, the last two guys, it was the first one.

I was going through a breakup with him.

oh it's so good it is so good all right Kristen anything else I could sit here all day and ask you questions that's the truth