So how does Kim built resilience to handle pressure, trauma, and or burnout within the mental health space.

Yeah, it's such a pressing, we'll call it issue or challenge, because it's hard not to get attached and invested in people personally, emotionally.

And in a role like this, I think it's very important.

It's been helpful for me to develop what I'd call a healthy detachment.

So a lot of times I'll talk about the difference between sympathy, empathy, and compassion.

So, you know, pity, we'll start at pity where you see someone on the side of the road in an accident.

It's like, oh, sucks to be you, like glad it's not me.

So what is the number one problem that you see in relationships with couples right that causes them to have issues where they need your help and then what is the thing that you tell me to do or should do based off that problem or that issue to resolve the issue

What are some of the biggest things people can do to prevent a second divorce?

Understand your deepest trigger.

Because when you go into an adult, as an adult, when you go into relationships, many times, most of us, myself included, are unprocessed when we go into adulthood.

And you'll end up perpetuating a dynamic from the past.

So it could be a really controlling mother and then you become a people pleaser.

It could be a really avoidant father.

And so now you are attracted to now people who shut down on you or just like dismiss you or whatever the case may be.

let's face it, therapy is expensive.

Oh.

It's so interesting that even the great philosophers of thousands of years ago to today still cannot solve the problem of consciousness.

Where does it come from? Can we recreate it in a lab? All the billionaires of the world are trying to live forever.

Can I put my consciousness into a machine? From an IT perspective, it's like, what if that machine crashes? Better have some good redundancy there.

But this idea of consciousness, I think can be logically explained for spirituality, this idea of suffering.

I think, you know, if I look back at my younger years, a lot of questions that I had for my parents, I grew up in a very conservative Christian kind of household, and a lot of the questions that I had for my parents of, why does this school bus of children run off the road? Where was God? And the answers that I always got was, It's God's will.

So, God was meaning for the school bus to go off? Well, we shouldn't be asking these questions.

Because it all sounds great when we're regulated, but then when we offer the plan of what we're going to do to make it right, and then we falter again, the man or woman might lose trust in us.

Right

... is when you get that sense of danger, you just described a very physiological response that we all have, where you've clearly done your research of knowing that, okay, the prefrontal cortex part of the brain is literally going offline.

Danger, danger, do I fight? Do I flee? And so understanding that even that biological process is so natural for every human, so to understand that piece, and then you add the piece of your wound coming into play, where so quickly, let's talk about the dirty coffee c- just as an example.

Someone complains that, okay, you left a coffee cup in the sink.

And what often happens typically is now within minutes it quickly becomes you always leave the coffee cup in the sink.

Now, when using this type of terminology, we're talking about someone's character, who they are as a person, their identity.

You are the type of person who is careless, selfish perhaps, reckless, lazy, who knows what the word is, and this is all leading to you leaving that dirty coffee cup in the sink.

So.

But I bet people in couples think, "Are we fighting too much? Are we fighting the right way? Is it, it, th, what's normal?"

You know, it, it's...

I love this question because I get many people, many couples actually, who say, "Oh, we never fight.

You know, we never have issues." And [laughs] ah, I always raise an eyebrow.

I get very concerned about couples who never fight, especially if they've been together for, let's say, more than three years, because that just tells me that someone's suppressing.

Because if you look just sta- statistically, you put two people on the planet into a home environment, an emotionally intimate, physically intimate space, right? What are the chances that one of them's never gonna have a bad day, never gonna have a difference in opinion, never going to just have a fight with their parent and not have it come out within the relationship? Just statistically speaking, if people are honest, there's going to be a little bit of friction at least.

And so it's healthy, really healthy if people can communicate that friction and hurt feelings and unmet needs in some way, shape, or form.

But if they're there, if they're already in there, how do you get them out?

Yeah

And so you don't have to go to childhood, even.

I would argue that if you look at what your repeated complaint is in your relationship, and it can be, "My feelings don't matter," it can be, "Nothing I say is good enough.

I'm a failure," that's now giving inklings of what a core wound might be.

And with that core wound, now, w- I'll take myself in as an example, the abandonment of the adoption wound.

Now, my lens is such that I am going to perceive and be on the lookout for any little sign of abandonment.

So in my 20s, 30s, it was like, "Oh, you didn't, uh, respond to my phone call or my text," and now I'm experiencing, uh, small e- experiences of abandonment, when really, you know, is it really abandonment? So...

It'll make me crazy," and the other person is like, "I need to breathe, I need to think, I need to process"?