But,

again, great coach, terrible at taking my own advice.

So, you know, when my father passed, I leaned on someone that I thought would be a support system, and it completely – he was unable to do it at all.

He completely crumbled.

And because of that, the pain was even worse.

You know, the breakup was even harder because – I had thought one, I found my forever person, but then two, I'm in this middle of this grief and I'm losing two things, my father and my, what I thought was the love of my life.

And so the grief like just really took over and, um, It took months.

And,

So how, how are you balancing that? And how is the woman you're becoming the new narrator

of the story that you wrote? So I had written a good chunk of the book in 2016.

And so I had written a good chunk of that for like eight months.

You know, I was just journaling and then put it all together.

But when I brought it to the book company that was going to publish it two years ago.

So I've been sitting on it for a while.

Okay.

And then there's a whole system that's built on the disconnected part Rather than on the relationship, the connection with our creator.

So what was the beginning of that journey like for you? Because I know for me, when I started, I ruffled a whole lot of feathers, right?

Oh, yeah.

Me too.

Well, and I didn't realize that I had been doing all this kind of independentness, whatever, independent stuff my entire life.

Like when I sat down to write the book, I was like, oh, I've been doing this for a while.

I just didn't recognize that it was a continuation.

But the big catalyst, the big catalyst for change was when I got a divorce.

but

I mean, how did you get there?

Actually, no, I think that is a very valid question that nobody has asked me so far because I had grown up in an abusive childhood home.

So my father was very abusive, and when I moved out of that into my mom's place with my stepfather, I thought what they had was healthy, and it wasn't.

They were still really discovering themselves, and my stepfather put up with a lot of my mother's, for lack of a better term, bullshit [laughs] because she was healing.

She had childhood trauma, and she finally had found this man.

Their relationship, looking at it obviously hindsight, was very toxic.

There were very big issues.

Mm-hmm.