So one of the reasons

I'm like gung-ho fired up about what we're talking about here today is the way that you help a couple who's stuck in an intense dialectic is to help them create a third way out of polarization.

And that I feel is really the spirit of what we're talking about here, that we're trying to help People grab onto idea, philosophy, scheme, whatever term you want to use, schema that are useful and helpful and retain those as part of their belief system, part of their identity, while being able to step out of this dialectic and co-create a third way.

And what I know from years of marital therapy is in order to get change to occur, if I want change to occur, I have to adopt the stance or at least be willing to try to adopt the stance that I would hold if change were to occur.

on both sides of the system.

So if I want a dialectic to go away, I have to stop acting like a dialectic is there essentially and step into a stance with other people where for me in that moment in time, that dialectic doesn't exist.

And I am simply talking about what Jonathan believes to be important in this situation.

But I have a feeling that he would come back and going, why are you messaging me? Why do you what do you need? Like, what is it? What is even the purpose of this? I don't want to be roped into something that I don't want to completely agree with.