Who are you wearing?

Oh, I'm wearing my...

Well, I'm wearing, today I'm wearing this design by Mike Piazza.

You can see number 31.

How about a World Series pick?

Uh, I'm going Mets and Yankees.

I'm not a Yankees fan by any stretch of the imagination, but I'd like to see them go at it.

I'm here, I run a foundation for overweight boys.

Is it worth it?

Weirdly, I deal with it less now than I used to because now I feel like the show is, uh, an outlet for people who are outraged by what's going on, and I feel some responsibility to those people.

So it's not just like, "Okay, why do I need to get up in the..." It's like, well, yeah, there is kind of a reason, a non-financial reason that you need to do this.

Nothing we ever did in the past had any consequence.

You know, it was just like-

It's very much your legacy, I hope you know.

That's very kind of you to say.

But for us, we feel the same way.

Kimmel says it's great when they win money, but there's more to it.

I think what's even more meaningful is hearing the people talk about the charities because in many cases it's a very personal connection.

So you get to learn a little bit about what these people that you know care about.

Is it because they just make the episodes better?

Yeah, you know what? When you have two comedians sitting next to each other, especially when they've known each other for a long time, there's just a chemistry there and a rhythm, and sometimes they jab each other, and it's a lot of fun to watch.

[laughs]

... applies in a lot of ways.

I was the same way.

You know, I was a radio disc jockey.

I never imagined being on television.

I didn't have any real desire to be on television.

I wasn't against it, but it wasn't my, in my plan.

She was building him up like she was a huge fan.

16 million people a show, yeah.

But we have a lot of shows with like 30,000 people watching each one, right? And it adds up.

And people watch us on YouTube now, and people have a lot of different options, and yet they still, they keep coming to us.

And I will tell you, when I got knocked off the air for a few days, um, people-

It's in the same color

... exactly.

It's not just comedically that you miss something.

On a, on a, an emotional level, it was always nice to know that, you know, humanity created flight, and then at one point progressed to the point where you would have, like, this fight happening in the sky.

Okay.

He was, like, a big, like, tough, like, uh, I think he was a, a Marine.

And, um, a re- a good teacher, you know, a really good teacher.

Was, uh, an advanced level class, but there was, he, you know, he, [laughs] he did not, he did not like any screwing around in class.

And finally, and I just never stopped.

Finally, he said to me, he did one of the worst things anybody ever did to me.

He said, "Here's how this is gonna go.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[laughing] Oh, no!

He's very particular about what he wears.

Um, we will lay out clothes for him every night so we can get going in the morning, and every morning he chooses an entirely different outfit.

He dresses like a cat burglar.

He's in all black.

He's got a hoodie on.

He's like the burglar in the, um, security company commercials, you know? [laughing] That's what he looks like.

Like a fresh start? Yeah.

Yeah.

And, and but when she...

You know, I think that we did the show for, like, 10 years before we had her on the show, and I was like, "Oh, wow, I get it now," because she was like...

She just was a per-... presence, it, it was almost a religious experience for everyone there, and she was so, she, she understood what she was to everybody, and she-

Sure.

But instead, Oprah got a bottle or a couple of bottles of very expensive tequila, and she gathered everyone on the crew and everyone together, and gathered around and gave this beautiful toast to everyone, and then took pictures with everyone.

And then, a- then, and only then, when she had, like, interacted with every single person there, did she get in the car and leave.

And I was like, "Ah, I...

So, uh, week two, your parents? How, how the hell is this thing gonna work?

It's not a bad idea.

It may come to that.

It really may come to that.

Um, you know, um, I, uh, I know you probably heard that David Letterman went to, uh, Afghanistan, uh-

Yeah, didn't he do some, it was like a, uh, he spoke to the troops?

Yeah, it was like a spoke to the troops and I was inspired by that, you know, being a talk show host, now that maybe I might, uh, do something.

So I called my publicist and I said, "Grab the ET crew, we're going to North Korea."

Mm-hmm.

They were coming to the hospital from work, and there I was sitting in the hospital all day because my employer was good enough to say, "You can stay home." But a lot of these people, if they're not at work, they don't get paid.

And if they don't get paid, th- they can't take care of their whole family.

And it just hit me, like, wow, this is such a burden on, on these people.

And on top of that, could you imagine if this hospital wasn't here to pay their medical bills, to take care of? I mean, how do you do anything? I mean, e- even just from a practical standpoint, how does a family contribute to society if they're struggling to keep their child alive? That's obviously the most important thing to all of us as human beings.

And then it just so happened that this was an issue, which is, it still is crazy to me that it even was an issue, that there would even be anyone who would be against that.

Uh, I don't think most Americans are.

Mm-hmm.

And it, it's just like kind of a go-to move and so I've just been so curious what your take is on what is so powerful about comedy that power comes to it first and for it first?

Well, I think nobody likes to be laughed at, and I think that, uh, being laughed at, uh, it, it, it's, it's the hardest thing for people like Donald Trump to deal with, because it shows that you, y- it shows (laughs), you know, you're, you're not taking them seriously.

You're, um, you're pushing their buttons and you're not scared of them.

Even if you are scared of them a little bit, but, um, I, I think that it, it's also, I think a, a big mistake.

I think it's, i- it, for a dictator, not that I wanna give him any tips, people really...

If, if there's one thing we understand on both sides, i- if you wanna put it that way, in this country, it's that...

I mean, I think Donald Trump got elected in large part because people felt that, um, comedians were being pressured and censored and it was kind of like, "Hey, I think this is funny and, and you're making me feel like a jerk and, and you're saying that, uh, this comedian that I like can't say this.

How does this end? Where does this go? What's the hope here?

I don't know.

Well, I don't know what to do either, but I think we start by acknowledging the truth.

And, you know, it's interesting when you know people, when you get to know people, like for instance, like when Ellen came on television, most people in the Midwest didn't I shouldn't say this, but a lot of people who are watching that show in the Midwest maybe didn't know somebody who was openly gay, right? Right.

And so they are against gay marriage.

They see it as, you know, against their religion or whatever, for whatever reason.

And...

They're against it.

At my age, too,

Right

...

I, I've had that, I think I feel like I've had that my whole life with everything.

Like, I wanted to be an artist when I was a kid, and you draw something, and you think it was good, and show it to your mom or whatever.

Then like two years later, you look at it, you go, "Oh, God, I thought this was good." And then you start to question whether what you're doing at that time is good.

[laughs] And I h- I guess eventually you probably reach a point where you've peaked, where maybe you'll enjoy looking back because you were better.

Which he took

...

(laughs)

He...

Real- I think his- his greatest move was he's walking around the house and he's got his dick out, and I go, "All right, put your penis away." And he's like, "What?" And I said, "P- put your pena- put your pants, uh, on, and put your penis away." And Molly, my wife's like, you know, "Hey, Billy, okay, all right, it's funny, but put- put your penis away." He's like, "It's not...

My penis is not out." And he kept a straight face and-

Unbelievable.

He, he, he had six months to live in 1987.

And he was the toughest guy and the funniest guy.

Uh, you know, Al Michaels was one of his best friends, and I don't think he'd mind me sharing this story because Al was at his bedside, uh, this week when the great Alex Wallow passed away.

So what do you resolve in those conversations to know you're going back if you haven't figured out a lot of the things that come out of it?

i think just the spirit of what i'm going to say rather than specifically what i was going to say and i think that's something that we all agreed on and i think that uh... uh...

Ultimately, I wanted to kind of cover every base if I could.

And sometimes you can do that and sometimes you can't do that.

And it was something really that had to come from inside me.

It had to be truthful and I had to lay it all out there and just be honest about what I was feeling and what I'd experienced.

And I think I did.

writers and comedians i've spoken with who feel like comedy's actually been harder with him as president what you just said is in a way it's in some there's more material to work with um what would you say his impact on comedy has

... and you had your David Letterman license plate, what were you thinking your future was gonna be?

I wanted to be an artist.

That was my, my goal.

I wa- I'm good at drawing, and at school, that's kind of what I was known for, and it just seemed to be what I would do.

Everyone in my family thought that is what I would do, and I thought that's what I would do.

But I read a Playboy magazine article.

Uh, Dave was interviewed, and in that article, he said he, he started in radio, and I loved Howard Stern, and I thought, "Well, that seems like it might be fun." And I was working at a clothing store in Las Vegas, and a couple of days later, one of the guys that worked there said, "Hey, you know, I work at the college radio station at KUNV in Las Vegas, and..."...

How did he become a running gag on your show? Are you friends?

[laughs]

Just, like, a lot of the things I thought were so funny weren't even funny.

And, like, they weren't funny.

Like, I, you know, I wasn't that good at my job.

And I think that's an important thing, too, because I look back at these jobs and I go, "Well, it wasn't all their fault," you know? Like, on one hand I feel like maybe they should've recognized that I was always a very hard worker and that I, I did have some talent.

I think every one of them would tell you that.

But on the other hand, like, I was kind of crazy, you know? I was doing antisocial things, and they didn't get it and they didn't wanna deal with it.

What does that look like as the externals change? What happens on the inside?

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[laughs]

Right.

Sure.

They still do.

Sorry.

Over and over and over again, they asked me to do this to the point where I was just like, I was just like, I give up.

Okay, I'll do it.

I went in.

great

You got into radio first because David Letterman was in radio first, right? And you looked at that, and you were like, "I'm gonna do that"?

That is correct, but not with the idea that I would one day have a late night talk show because I never, it never even occurred to me that there might be other late night talk shows besides Johnny Carson and David Letterman.

It was just that I knew Letterman started in radio, and I loved him, and I loved Howard Stern, and I thought...

And also I worked at this clothing store where a guy worked on the college radio station, another guy that worked there.

He's like, "You know, you're very funny.

You should be on the radio." And I was like, "I would love to be on the radio."

[laughs]

Let's see.