What's the type of thing that you would do in the first session?

Well, in the first session, if you were presenting and you were anxious, I would want to figure out what it was that your fears really were about, try to figure out what your thoughts were about those fears.

Anytime somebody's anxious, there's really sort of three questions to ask.

Number one, what am I afraid of and what is the risk? Because patients who are anxious oftentimes have an overvalued sense of what the risk is.

Number two, what are my resources to deal with this risk? And a lot of times people really do have the resources that they need to deal with the risk, but they just aren't able to see it because of the way they've kind of been trained to think over the years.

And thirdly, then, if I don't have the resources, where can I get them? Where can I go to develop the resources? And so depending upon what you were anxious about, that would look a lot differently.

Okay, so sometimes they can do that and eventually gain the courage maybe to even get a divorce or to bring the partner into therapy, which is very hard if you've got a controlling partner.

Yeah, it is hard, and it's especially hard, again, depending upon how far into it you are.

What's the type of thing that you would do in the first session?

Well, in the first session, if you were presenting and you were anxious, I would want to figure out what it was that your fears really were about, try to figure out what your thoughts were about those fears.

Anytime somebody's anxious, there's really sort of three questions to ask.

Number one, what am I afraid of and what is the risk? Because patients who are anxious oftentimes have an overvalued sense of what the risk is.

Number two, what are my resources to deal with this risk? And a lot of times people really do have the resources that they need to deal with the risk, but they just aren't able to see it because of the way they've kind of been trained to think over the years.

And thirdly, then, if I don't have the resources, where can I get them? Where can I go to develop the resources? And so depending upon what you were anxious about, that would look a lot differently.

Okay, so sometimes they can do that and eventually gain the courage maybe to even get a divorce or to bring the partner into therapy, which is very hard if you've got a controlling partner.

Yeah, it is hard, and it's especially hard, again, depending upon how far into it you are.

And what would be a core belief about myself that might mess me up in life?

Oh boy, there's several of those.

Just listening to your clip there, I'm reminded of the core belief that a lot of people have that see themselves as a failure.

So if you are one of those people who catch yourself, well, let me back up, because a lot of times core beliefs are unconscious, and so we don't even catch ourselves.

We don't actually realize what we're telling ourselves while we're telling ourselves.

I actually had a guy not too long ago I'm reminded of that said, I guess I've been telling myself all this time that I'm a loser and I'll never amount to anything.

So what are some other common destructive beliefs about oneself that we carry around?

Well, I mentioned the vulnerability belief.

And what would be a core belief about myself that might mess me up in life?

Oh boy, there's several of those.

Just listening to your clip there, I'm reminded of the core belief that a lot of people have that see themselves as a failure.

So if you are one of those people who catch yourself, well, let me back up, because a lot of times core beliefs are unconscious, and so we don't even catch ourselves.

We don't actually realize what we're telling ourselves while we're telling ourselves.

I actually had a guy not too long ago I'm reminded of that said, I guess I've been telling myself all this time that I'm a loser and I'll never amount to anything.

So what are some other common destructive beliefs about oneself that we carry around?

Well, I mentioned the vulnerability belief.

So what would cognitive therapy do for me?

Well, Ellen, that is one of the messages that I think a lot of them, that it's not okay to share your feelings, or it's not okay to talk about certain topics, or that it's more important how things look on the outside than how things really are.

And so that's kind of a message that a lot of people have internalized over the years.

And one of the things that I think is important is recognizing that what serves people well in one context doesn't always serve them well in another context.

For instance, keeping our mouths shut in an environment in which we might be put down or belittled or maybe even hurt if we opened it

How could I use cognitive therapy?

Well, actually, as you mentioned that, I'm thinking about a lady that I worked with not too long ago who had that exact scenario.

Maybe not the vacation, but just really feeling like she had to please her parents, actually her mother specifically, and to please her husband and to please her children.