Na, na, na.

Okay, so no Pikachu.

Apparently I needed to be more specific.

[laughs] My only choices were SpongeBob SquarePants or the Minions.

Both are well-meaning doofuses that will probably be more trouble than help.

Still, it's an easy call.

Minions, way better.

[laughing]

Cut it out.

But mostly, blood is so salty.

Gross.

These fangs, major sweet tooth, teethSo sadly, it looked like my vampire aspirations were a non-starter.

But then I learned about maple syrup.

[upbeat music] The sweet nectar that flows through trees' veins.

Oh, wait, trees don't have veins.

Jed.

Golly.

That's enough of that.

[jump rope clattering] Look, I don't need retro propaganda to convince you that jump ropes are infinitely, skip-tatively superior.

Reason number one: amazing physical prowess from a piece of cord.

[ethereal music] Imagine there was a tool that would give you an incredible workout.

I'm talking muscles quivering, lungs screaming, sweat-soaking fitness, and you can store it in a drawer or hang it from a hook.

How much would you be willing to pay for this amazing device? 100? 200? 1,000? Oh, it's like 10 bucks, give or take.

She's jumping rope and doing pretty fine.