I'd like to ask you if there's one or two things from one of your guests or multiple guests that have really impacted your thinking in those areas.

Yeah, absolutely.

Yeah, I feel so grateful that I get to after six years of building this incredible community, I get to go on tour and meet those people and hold those hands and give them hugs and look into their eyes and thank them for listening to us.

You know, the hundreds of millions of people have been doing that every single week for six years now.

It's really, really exciting.

So we're starting with North America.

When I think about my guests, I definitely think about a lot of the incredible experts we've had on sleep.

um and i think that also connects to the idea that if you we we can feel way more disconnected um when we don't feel connected to ourself and so whether it's practices and rituals to actually connect deeper to ourself that allows us to connect deeper to other people and have meaningful connections with others that help us through those times um i think reconnecting every single day in some way to who you are and having those moments are really important to be able to connect to someone else to be able to feel understood or valued by other people um and yeah i think for me the main one always ends up being prayer because i'm like at this point i can't control anything so i'm leaving it up to you um but yeah i would love to hear some of yours

And so how do we relieve that pressure? How do we overcome that stress?

I've developed three really practical methods that I learned while I was a monk to overcome pressure in different areas of life.

So one of the things I often talk about is a lot of us feel physical and mental pressure throughout the day.

And one of the reasons why we feel that is because either our mind is ahead of our body or our body is ahead of our minds.

So I'll explain what I mean by that.

So often, how many times have you had it? Anyone who's listening right now, I'm sure you can relate.

How many times have you had it where you're running to your next meeting, so your body's moving really fast, but your mind's going, I wish we were still in bed, right? Your mind is still tired.

Something like that just brings me into the moment where I'm not like ahead of myself or I'm not like behind.

What is purpose? And is it something that you develop or you discover? Do you have one purpose? You know, these questions that people have.

Yeah, absolutely.

And I'm so glad that you're making space for these really important discussions.

I know we recently went live to talk about your incredible new book, Limitless.

And I think that your dedication to helping people lead limitless lives is so powerful.

And so I'm so glad you're opening up this space today.

And purpose is probably one of my favorite, favorite topics to talk about.

How do I identify the passion I must choose to fulfill my purpose?

Okay.

And usually it's the kitchen in our homes and the bedroom.

Whether we watch the TV in our bedroom or whatever we do, let's do that with people.

And whatever we do in our kitchens, eating, cooking, these activities which are great for human interaction and bond building, let's do that with people.

That sounds amazing.

And, and the third step to doing a digital detox is don't to and fro and pendulum between lots of technology and no technology.

Build a diet and slowly remove parts of it.

So don't start saying, "Okay, for the next seven days, I'm not going to use my phone at all." Because all that's going to happen is when you reduce that consumption, you're going to come straight back and want to do it.

Mm-hmm

... then I'm not gonna make it.

And I think sometimes also our mindset today is, if I don't go all in, then it doesn't matter.

[upbeat instrumental music]

Yeah

... is I've never felt pressure from her for a certain type of lifestyle, a certain set of things, even today, and I think that's what allowed me to take more risks.

It's what allowed me to dream bigger.

It's what allowed me to try new things and fail and go backwards and forwards.

So Jay, who were the most influential people in your life, in your childhood, and what would you say are some of the biggest lessons that they passed on to you?

That's such an interesting question.

I feel I was very, very fortunate that the most influential people in my life became people I discovered through autobiographies and biographies.

So and, and that's because I think I was the eldest, and I kind of was a bit rebellious, so I didn't really fit in, and I don't think I was getting that much great advice from my family or extended family.

And I fell in love with, I mean, you know, I think I mentioned this to you when we first met, I fell in love with the writings of Dr. Martin Luther King.

I fell in love with Malcolm X. I fell in love with Dwayne The Rock Johnson and David Beckham.

So my, my reading, uh, [laughs] my reading spectrum was fairly wide.

Mm-hmm

So Jay Shetty, welcome back.

Ed, I just want to say that I'm so grateful to be back with you because I was just saying this to you off screen, but I want everyone to hear it.

The amount of your...

First of all, the people you attract in your community are just unbelievable.

Mm.

Honestly, like if you sit down and you talk to your partner and you ask them a question you've never asked them...

I'll give an example of a, a question that I love.

Like I might just say to my wife right now like, um, "You know, what was the most exciting thing that happened to you this week?"

Mm.

You have to treat yourself like someone you like before you can treat yourself like someone you love because you can't go from, "I don't feel worthy.

I'm not enough" to "I love myself.

I accept myself." There's levels and layers in between of getting to know, liking, falling out of love, looking at the dark parts, the hard parts, the inner work.

That's the journey we have to go on, and I think when we try and skip to self-love, you get back to self-hate as quick as you just jump to that stage.

So what does it mean to like yourself? F- first, to like yourself, you need to know yourself.

Goes back to what we were talking about before.

Mm

And I just wonder, have you ever had anybody on your show that that really has helped you or taught you a lesson?

Well, I have to give a shout out to Carl Anthony Towns Cat because.

His episode actually comes out on Monday on Spotify and Netflix video.

And he said something really, really powerful to me that has stayed with me when we recorded straight after he won the championship with the Knicks.

And I was at game four, which was unbelievable.

But he said to me, I'm recognized more for what I do than who I am, when who I am is more important than what I do.

Wow.

What do you find is by and large the underneath question that people really want answered?

Are there sort of little hacks that, uh, you have that, you know, not just in taking that time to step back, but just how do you continue to remind yourself and stay connected to that? How do you, how do you sort of train your brain to, to focus on that versus maybe where it might be meandering to?

Yeah.

I've got, uh, an acronym that I love with four habits in it.

So the first is T for thankfulness.

I think...

And, and here's the thing.

Everyone talks a lot about gratitude and gratitude journals and writing it down.

[chuckles]

Let's talk about getting to know yourself because that in itself is a massive job and I don't think I really got to know myself until I discovered walking and I would spend two hours a day for years on end and that was when I got to know myself and my entire physiology, mentality, everything changed through that process.

There's this incredible study where they asked men and women if they wanted to be alone with their thoughts for 15 minutes or give themselves an electric shock.

27% of women chose an electric shock and around 66% of men chose an electric shock because they didn't want to be alone with their thoughts.

So the reason why I raised that is what walking does for you is it's you spending time with yourself.

we don't really spend that much time with ourselves.

If you look at life, you're at school, then you go to college, then you get a job, then at one point you date, you get married, whatever it may be, you spend very little time in your life by yourself.

No wonder we don't know ourselves.

When you were last here, what did you love most about Australia? What are you excited to come down under and do?

Okay.

And one of the reasons why I love this one is everyone from Lewis Hamilton through to David Beckham has used visualization.

Yes.

So Lewis Hamilton would visualize the racetrack before actually driving in a Formula One race.

David Beckham would visualize a free kick before taking a shot at a World Cup tournament.

And this visualization allows you to deal with the pressure and stress before the actual activity.

What it does is it allows you to fast forward.

Right.

What is purpose? And is it something that you develop or you discover? Do you have one purpose? You know, these questions that people have.

Yeah, absolutely.

And I'm so glad that you're making space for these really important discussions.

I know we recently went live to talk about your incredible new book, Limitless.

And, you know, I think that your dedication to helping people lead limitless lives is so powerful.

And so I'm so glad you're opening up this space today.

And purpose is probably one of my favorite, favorite topics to talk about.

How do I identify the passion I must choose to fulfill my purpose?

And percentage you're spending, how much is like 20 hours over that week on Instagram or something like that.

Absolutely.

And Instagram analytics is doing the same for you too.

So if you really want to hone in on Instagram, you have it right there.

So the first step is awareness.

That's all I want you to do is take out some time to just journal down your usage.

Now, if you are saying to me and you're listening to this going, Jay, I already know I spend too much time on social media, then you can go straight to the second one.

and also for that's the place and also the time also

Johnny Pops, a better pop for a better world.

So the interesting thing is the first episode of my podcast On Purpose ever was me and Radhi telling this story together.

And I always wanted to start the show at a really authentic, genuine, conscious place.

And I thought, why not do it with the person who knows me best and knows me most deeply? And so the long story short version is I was in my final year of college and I knew that I was going to become a monk after I graduated.

And I would go to my local temple to serve and assist on the weekends just to stay out of trouble.

And when I was doing that service, I was asked to show a woman around who was around my mom's age with different chores and different practices at the temple.

I'd never been asked to do this before.

I want to ask you both, what simple thing does your partner do to show that they love you?

How do you figure out what you are, and how do you know if you trying to be like something else that you not?

Two processes.

One is personal excavation.

The more you observe yourself in different situations, the more you observe yourself when you're around certain people, the more you observe yourself when you're experimenting and testing and trying new things out, the more you get a sense for how you feel about it versus how someone feels that you feel about it, and that's our constant disconnect.

We're validating or verifying everyone through even a small question like, "How do I look in this?" We're letting someone else's opinion define how we feel about ourselves, even if we feel totally uncomfortable.

So we only get to that point when we start observing ourself and testing and experimenting with multiple things so that you can see yourself in different scenarios and different situations.

Really?

So I actually would sit down with a friend from, like, 16 years old, and they'd be like, "Jay, do you remember we did this?" And I'd be like, "Oh, yeah," but it would take me a moment.

What do you, uh, wanna teach people when you're here this time?

Yeah, so this time we're taking it to another level.

This Changes Everything is focused on the four big decisions of life.

So whether you're in a job and you wanna find another one, whether you're in a relationship and you wanna leave, whether you wanna find love, whether you're in a position in your life where you just feel stuck and you're looking for the next move, we're gonna focus on the four biggest decisions in life.

The first is how do I feel about myself, the second is what do I do for work, the third is who do I love, and the fourth is how do I serve the world.

We're gonna take a 360-degree approach to life, and I'm gonna help you through a series of practical tools and application to actually build your decision-making powers so you can take action on those four areas of your life.

It's gonna be super practical, super easy to put into practice, and I want you to walk away having a new direction in your life and being able to make big decisions.

Mm.

Why do we have to use the word boundaries? It sounds so cranky.

[laughs] I agree.

I, I'm not sure which psychological theorist came up with that word, and I think the reason it has to be so strong is because we're so bad at practicing principles or alignment or protecting ourselves or respecting ourselves, that boundaries are the only way to truly show ourselves what's important to us, what's valuable to us, and what's true to us.

How many of us have sacrificed what we wanted because of what someone else wanted because we didn't have a boundary? It's a necessary evil of a word, if that helps.

[laughs]

27, 27% of women chose an electric shock, and around 66% of men chose an electric shock, because they didn't wanna be alone with their thoughts.

So the reason why I raise that is what walking does for you is it's you spending time with yourself.

We don't really spend that much time with ourselves.

Why, why do we have to use the word boundaries? It sounds so cranky.

[laughs] I agree.

I, I'm not sure which psychological theorist came up with that word.

And I think the reason it has to be so strong is because we're so bad at practicing principles or alignment or protecting ourselves or respecting ourselves, that boundaries are the only way to truly show ourselves what's important to us, what's valuable to us, and what's true to us.

And so as much as we may not like the word, the word is strong because we sometimes need that.

How many of us have said yes when we wanted to say no because we didn't have a boundary? How many of us have sacrificed what we wanted because of what someone else wanted because we didn't have a boundary? And the risk of not having boundaries is so great on us that I think that's why we have the word boundary, because we have to really try so hard to stay disciplined and respect ourselves and stick to them.

And so I think it's, uh, it's, it's, uh...

Mm.

So Jay, how do you define love?

I define love romantically as when you like someone's personality, when you respect their values, and when you're committed to helping them achieve their goals.

And the reason why I define love that way is liking personality is obvious, and that goes back to, do I want to spend 200 hours with this person? Do I want to spend 2,000 hours with this person, and 20,000 hours with this person? Respecting someone's values, I use that word very carefully.

Most people feel that relationships are where you have the same values, and that you're on this magical search to find someone who believes in the same stuff you believe in.

That is so hard and so impossible, and I don't even want to put fairy dust on it.

I don't think that's gonna happen because people are so different.

We're wired so differently.

What is your advice for people that are in a relationship where both of the partners handle stress differently?

[laughs] Right.

But you, you've been living with for your whole life.

You can have clarity, so it's almost going back to the age-old wisdom of focus on what you can control.

Like, you can't control if someone loves you.

You can't control if someone likes you.

You can't control if someone's telling you the truth, but you can control if you're telling the truth.

You can control if you like yourself, and you can control if you're communicating that.

[laughs]

Are there any ways in which you feel like the spiritual tradition in which you were training is in tension with the life that you're living now?

First of all, I, I'm not su- yeah, I, I'd say that there's a understanding in spiritual tradition, which is all about how as humans, we tend to idolize or demonize things, and that the ultimate truth is to be able to utilize everything for a higher purpose.

And I think that's what's often missed.

And so there's a beautiful statement in the Gita, which I was talking about earlier, the Bhagavad Gita, that says, "Attachment and aversion are two sides of the same coin." And so I think we often, in our Western understanding, see detachment as better than attachment.

However, our, the spiritual understanding is far more subtle and far more refined, that detachment doesn't mean aversion.

Detachment means you can be close to anything in the world and use it for a higher purpose.

Now, I'm not saying I'm doing that, and I'm not saying I live in that.

Uh, do you have any thoughts from our first conversation? Anything lingering?

sure.

Yeah, I'd say that there's a Understanding in spiritual tradition, which is all about how as humans we tend to idolize or demonize things, and that the ultimate truth is to be able to utilize everything for a higher purpose.

And I think that's what's often missed.

And so there's a beautiful statement in the Gita, which I was talking about earlier, the Bhagavad Gita, that says attachment and aversion are two sides of the same coin.

And so I think we often in our Western understanding see detachment as better than attachment.

However, the spiritual understanding is far more subtle and far more refined.

That detachment doesn't mean aversion.

I want to know how you think you should be perceived? What is the correct lens through which to understand Jay Shetty?

conscious love?

Toxic love is where both people are working independently to use the relationship to serve their own needs.

That's toxic love.

And conscious love is where both people independently take care of themselves so they can bring their best self to each other.

And Where this often goes wrong is that toxic love turns into a competition.

Toxic love now is who's doing more for each other? Who gives more love to each other? Who does more work around the house? You turn the whole thing into a competition, which is not teamwork.

And conscious love is not saying you're the selfless one, it's you're making agreements.

So true.

Do you mind sharing a little bit about that here?

Yeah, absolutely.

I designed that specifically for them.

There's multiple variations of them, and these have existed across so many different coaching tools and therapy tools.

And I kind of made that specific to the language I was noticing in the room with both Justin and Gladys.

And Again, Gillian, I have to point out, and I really do appreciate you saying that piece about not jumping into pop psychology or relationship.

And honestly, the reason I do it is just because I think humans are way more complex and because I think situations are far more complex.

And I'd love to hear your thoughts and input.