You got this cruise coming up in February.

You know, I never worked cruises because I was too dirty.

And when the whole time I was on the Stern show, I was too busy to go out and do a cruise and I didn't need the money, obviously.

And then I get off the show, but I was too dirty and I didn't really want to sit on a boat for a week or two or three weeks.

You know, it's not my idea of a good time.

And then these people that Dottie Drake is a woman who's been a cruise director for 40 years.

She recently retired.

What's the name of the

Okay.

So the cave woman yells to her husband, Muckluck, saber-toothed tiger just ran into mother's cave.

And her husband says, What do I care what happens to a saber-toothed tiger? That's funny.

All right, so a guy goes for skydiving lessons.

Skydiving lessons, the instructor says, very simple.

You leap out of the plane.

You pull the ripcord.

It's one of the

Okay.

So the cave woman yells to her husband, Muckluck, saber-toothed tiger just ran into mother's cave.

And her husband says, What do I care what happens to a saber-toothed tiger? That's funny.

All right, so a guy goes for skydiving lessons.

Skydiving lessons, the instructor says, very simple.

You leap out of the plane.

You pull the ripcord.

It's one of the

Hey, Jackie Martling-

Angelo, Angelo goes up to his neighbor and says, "Hey, Tony, you like a woman with the biggest, sloppy bazooms that droop down so far?" He says, "No." He says, "You like a woman with a big, huge rear end? She look like a dump truck?" He says, "No." "Do you like a woman with the biggest, thickest mustache and she smells of, like, garlic all the time?" He says, "Of course not." He says, "Then why you fool around with my wife?" [laughs]

All right, go ahead.

So a guy says, "Doc, I'm having trouble with my love life." The doctor examines and says, "Well, it seems you're having some problems 'cause you need some work done to bring back your sex drive.

I can do a series of operations that'll take 30 days and cost $12,000.

Or I can do one operation, and you'll be good to go the next day, but that's $30,000.

Why don't you go home and discuss it with your wife?" So the next day the guy comes back to the doctor, and the doctor says, "What'd you decide?" He says, "We're gonna redo the kitchen."

he was...

that was 15 years of making him so funny that he, it was like launching a rocket.

Like it was at the point where he could, he could do no wrong because he had been, he was so funny.

Like very few of those lines missed.

Right.

And it actually made him think funny too.

And, uh, but it was such an important, uh, you know, uniting of me and Fred and Howard and Robin, it was such an important chemistry, but he, Howard didn't look at it like that.

Yep.

Uh.

A guy's new in town, he walked in a restaurant, and there's a horse tending bar.

And he looks on the bar and there's a goldfish bowl full of $10 bills.

He turns to the guy at the bar and says, "What's going on? What's with the goldfish bowl with the $10 bills?" Says, "Well, we got a thing going.

You put a $10 bill in the goldfish bowl and you try and make the horse laugh.

If you make the horse laugh, you get all the money." He says, "Well, I wanna give it a shot." So he throws a $10 bill in the goldfish bowl and leads the horse out back.

And he come walking back in and the horse is laughing his ass off.

How could you have-

[laughs]

Yeah, the cruise is great.

It's, it's Holland America on the new Stater Dam.

I'm with, uh, Richie Minervini and Magician John Ferrentino, and it's, uh, it's the Long Island Communion Cru- uh, Comedian, uh, Reunion Cruise.

And it's starting in Fort Lauderdale, and we're hitting seven different places.

We're leaving on my birthday, my 79th birthday.

Jackie Martling, we got, like, one minute left.

All right.

right,

now here's a great one.

Here's a great one.

A guy's new in town.

He walked into a restaurant and there's a horse tending bar.

And he looks on the bar and there's a goldfish bowl full of $10 bills.

He turns to a guy at the bar and says, what's going on? What's with the goldfish bowl with the $10 bills? Well, we got a thing going.

Jackie Martin, we've got like one minute left.

There's nothing.

Yeah.

It was a whole damn show, you know, it was so fun.

I want to tell you, so, you know, I've been doing commercials for this pot place out here on long Island, long Island cannabis club.

And, uh, When I was with Rodney in 1980, you know, we did a lot of drugs and a lot of drinking and everything, and one of the funniest things, especially now with pot being so legal, we were at the Bahia Mar in his penthouse suite in Fort Lauderdale, and we're in his room, and we're out on his balcony smoking a joint, and his 16-year-old daughter came in, and she sniffed, and she went...

Daddy, don't bug me, Melody.

Don't

Go ahead.

There's nothing.

Yeah.

It was a whole damn show, you know, it was so fun.

I want to tell you, so, you know, I've been doing commercials for this pot place out here on long Island, long Island cannabis club.

And, uh, When I was with Rodney in 1980, you know, we did a lot of drugs and a lot of drinking and everything, and one of the funniest things, especially now with pot being so legal, we were at the Bahia Mar in his penthouse suite in Fort Lauderdale, and we're in his room, and we're out on his balcony smoking a joint, and his 16-year-old daughter came in, and she sniffed, and she went...

Daddy? He said, oh, don't bug me, Melody.

Don't bug me.

Go ahead.

There's nothing.

It was a whole damn show, you know, it was so fun.

I want to tell you, so, you know, I've been doing commercials for this pot place out here on long Island, long Island cannabis club.

And, uh, When I was with Rodney in 1980, you know, we did a lot of drugs and a lot of drinking and everything, and one of the funniest things, especially now with pot being so legal, we were at the Bahia Mar in his penthouse suite in Fort Lauderdale, and we're in his room, and we're out on his balcony smoking a joint, and his 16-year-old daughter came in, and she sniffed, and she went...

Daddy, don't bug me, Melody.

Don't bug

It's all the truth.

Yes.

All

right.

So a general.

General's about to go into battle, and he can't decide what uniform to wear.

And one of his aides says, well, General, whenever Napoleon was about to go into battle, he'd put on a red uniform.

That way, if he got wounded, his men wouldn't be able to see the blood, and they wouldn't panic.

The general says, very good, Stokowski.

It's right next to Locust Valley and Oyster Bay.

All

right.

I'm telling some jokes here.

So a guy comes home from his job at the CIA and says to his wife and son, come on the kitchen.

I want to show you what we've been working on.

And they walk in the kitchen and he says, look at this.

This is a lie detector robot.

It's right next to Locust Valley and Oyster Bay.

yeah who knows all

right i'm telling some jokes here so a guy comes home from his job at the cia and says to his wife and son come on the kitchen i want to show you what we've been working on they walk in the kitchen and he says look at this this is a lie detector robot i'm going to demonstrate he says to his son what'd you do this afternoon the kid says i did my homework and the lie detector robot slaps the kid the kid says all right all right i was at eddie's watching a movie his father says what kind of movie Star Wars, and the robot slaps the kid again.

The kid says, all right, all right, we want some porn.

The father says, porn? When I was your age, I didn't even know what porn was.

And the robot slaps him.

And the wife says, all right, he's your son, all right.

And the robot slaps the wife.

It's right next to Locust Valley and Oyster Bay.

Who knows? All

right.

I'm telling some jokes here.

So a guy comes home from his job at the CIA and says to his wife and son, come on the kitchen.

I want to show you what we've been working on.

And they walk in the kitchen and he says, look at this.

This is a lie detector robot.

You got that

Every star, comedian, celebrity, when they're on the road, every time they got some rich guy who's a big fan who takes you out.

It never fails.

And they're always great people and, you know, You cannot lose.

All right, on to the jokes.

So two girlfriends run into each other.

The first one says, you should see the guy I'm seeing.

He's got a Ferrari, a beach house in East Hampton.

Give us one more.

Every star, comedian, celebrity, when they're on the road, every time they got some rich guy who's a big fan who takes you out.

It never fails.

And they're always great people.

And, you know, You cannot lose.

All right, on to the jokes.

So two girlfriends run into each other.

The first one says, you should see the guy I'm seeing.

Give us one more.

Every star, comedian, celebrity, when they're on the road, every time they got some rich guy who's a big fan who takes you out.

It never fails.

And they're always great people.

And, you know, You cannot lose.

All right, on to the jokes.

So two girlfriends run into each other.

The first one says, you should see the guy I'm seeing.

Give us one more.

Wasn't that a movie theater?

No, no.

It sounds like it, but no, that wasn't.

But, you know, like the Patchogue Theater, places like that were great, you know.

But I'm excited.

All right, so a girl's in the movies, and she says to her date, Ralphie, the guy next to me is masturbating.

She says, ignore him.

Give us one more.

Wasn't that a movie theater?

No, no.

It sounds like it, but no, that wasn't.

But, you know, like the Patchogue Theater, places like that were great, you know.

But I'm excited.

All right, so a girl's in the movies, and she says to her date, Ralphie, the guy next to me is masturbating.

She says, ignore him.

Give us one more.

Wasn't that a movie theater?

No, no.

It sounds like it, but no, that wasn't.

But, you know, like the Patchogue Theater, places like that were great, you know.

But I'm excited.

All right, so a girl's in the movies and she says to her date, Ralphie, the guy next to me is masturbating.

She says, ignore him.

No.