yeah it's it's really coming from a place of survival i know we talk a lot about now how like it really is more of a privilege or luxury to be more introspective and to really delve into our hyphenates right and like be able to make more room for ourselves whereas the first generation was really just concerned with being safe and being okay in this country for those people in the in-between space yeah what maybe can you share with them about like just embracing more actions that are rooted in love and not fear

I think the hardest thing for moving away from fear as any sort of motivation, control, parenting tactic is developing trust.

You have to trust in your children that they're going to want to do the right thing and that they're going to be inspired by the world or an idea or a subject or a sport or whatever.

Things that can gather their interest and motivate them to strive and do what they want to do, not from a place of they have to do it, but because they're genuinely interested in that.

And then the same goes for ourselves, right? Like we have to trust in ourselves that if we slow down the hustle, we will actually, you know, reconnect with our creativity or like find things that are motivating and interesting to us.

And I think a lot of times, like in that transition, we don't allow enough time and space for that process.

We start doing it and things start slipping or like, become like lazy or, you know, like the things that we are afraid of happening, like kind of happen because there is a little bit of a whiplash, right? Like the other side of it.

But

... to, to be more centered?

Yeah, I mean, it depends on the environment, right? Because this is, this is morally neutral.

Sometimes it is just about survival.

If I am in a room full of white tech bros, I'm gonna be charming.

[laughs] I'm gonna be flirty and accessible and, like, play into some tropes because that's what's gonna help me find some fitting in and get through and be likable and, you know, enjoy myself enough for that environment.

Um, if I am really, really trying to cultivate a sense of belonging or, like, long-term friendship or, you know, if this community is one where it feels important to me to h- foster some sort of ongoing connection with, then it is more important for me to tap into my nervous system and, you know, do like a body scan before I even enter a space and be really conscious about what I'm bringing into this room, what I'm leaving behind, and how this room and energy feels to my nervous system.

And these are elements that can be really quick.

Yeah.

But I-

I mean, I, I, and plenty still are, you know? But it's, it's just, it's hard when it can get so exhausting.

And I mean, especially in Texas.

Like, we have a ban on drag.

Like, there's just, there's a lot of things that, like, you know, people still do it, but every time you put yourself out there, it's a risk, and especially if you hold other marginalized identities.

If you're an immigrant, if you're a person of color, if you, you know, have children, right? Like, if you have other things that make you more vulnerable to the visibility, then people have to make decisions accordingly.

Why did you decide to write that, and, and tell my audience a little bit about it.

Yeah.

Mm-hmm

...

I'm a woman of color, and, and I, talk to me, you'll probably figure out I'm pretty neurodivergent.

You know, and so these are elements that I felt like I could, um, I can't hide from those anyways, so I'm gonna put those front and center and really have the book, um, use these intersectionalities to like share the story.

'Cause the overall like the underlying coping mechanisms that we develop-

Yeah

...

I, I feel a lot of commitment to them, and like I ha- feel a lot of gratitude.