Gregory, you get 30 seconds to vent about vanilla, and your 30 seconds starts right now.

Vent about vanilla.

Wow.

Um, you know, as I was a kid, I always preferred, uh, chocolate to vanilla, or a lemon sorbet to vanilla, or something a little more savory.

Vanilla never really did it for me.

Um, that's not to say that vanilla is bad, it just never, it never hit that same coziness, that same, that same emotional, that same emotional impact.

Wow, my hero.

That's right, mint is an incredible herb with many distinct uses.

Hey, Greg. It's go time. (door closes)

As we walked down the hallway toward the big, bright arena, my heart started pounding. The stadium was packed. 18,000 people were in the stands, going wild. As I gazed up at balcony after balcony of beaming faces, my heart skipped a beat. It confirmed what I already knew. Clowns are beloved. No matter what makes you giggle, I cross my heart and guarantee there's a clown out there that'll make you go, "Hee, hee, hee." There are white-faced clowns with red noses, ogousse clowns who are mostly just funny actors, mimes who don't talk, bullfighting rodeo clowns, and even jesters who performed for kings and queens. Us clowns can juggle knives, play musical instruments, tell killer jokes, walk on stilts, wrangle bucking broncos, do backflips, make insanely cute balloon animals. Oh, and did I mention, do magic tricks? Yeah. Clowns can do what magicians do, only funnier. We can't help it. We've been making people laugh for thousands of years, since ancient Egypt. That's right. You can even find clowns in ancient hieroglyphics.

He knows all about it. Gregory, now it's your turn. Show us why a clown would make the perfect roommate.

I'm a clown. Yes, a real clown. I've been around the kind of clowns that you think all clowns are: loud, messy, slipping on banana peels. I know. But if you're a responsible adult who's okay with some steamer trunks and a lot of circus posters, I could be the roommate for you. I'm six feet tall with arms like albatross wings. But if you need to reach something way up, like changing a light bulb or getting a tchotchke off a shelf, I can strap on some stilts. Done. Have other roommates broken your stuff? I won't. I do not mess with other people's props. And since I can pack a Volkswagen Beetle with 20 full-grown adults, imagine how skilled I am with putting things away. Laundry? Put away. Dishes? Put away. Seven pairs of clown shoes? You'll find them where you expect them: out of the way. Tripping on them is my job, not yours. Need makeup tips? Lines? Blending? I got you. And I don't bring my work home. You won't see me wandering the house in full greasepaint and a bright red nose. When I'm clocked out, I'm clocked out. No noisy, messy doves. No fake mystical secrets. No one asking you to pick a card or trying to saw you in half. Prepare to experience a marvel in adulting roommates. Be one of few people who can say they live with an actual clown. We're smarter than you think. Seriously.