In this world of consent, which is so very, very important, how does somebody decide whether or not something is an actual violation in their life or if it was a misunderstanding?

I think it's a obviously it's completely subjective.

That's a very deep question.

I don't think anybody's asked me such a deep question like that on a podcast before.

But I think it's about understanding the trying to understand the intention of the other person.

I would say if your work if you're two people who are experienced kinksters, and you've had really good conversations beforehand, and you really trust them as a partner and a boundary is crossed.

I do think Like, 9 times out of 10, that was an unintentional thing, or it was a mistake that they made.

Why am I enjoying this so much?

Like what would be like some easy example? Sure.

Sure.

I mean, I think when you say the word fetish, people automatically go, ugh, because they're like, oh, I don't want one of those.

Right.

Well, when I think of fetish, I think of foot fetish.

Yeah.

Well, that is a type.

is this a part of this thought experiment? Because I want people to be able to follow us and think about their experiences.

So if our partner asks us to do something and just doesn't turn us on, how can we approach it with integrity, with empathy? Because that can be a very tough conversation to have.

Absolutely.

I think that what we need to do is be able to graciously accept a no.

We have to understand, and we say this in the King community, but it's just don't yuck other people's yum.

So that might be something that you're not interested in, but that doesn't give you the right to treat another person poorly.

And I think we need to come to our partners when they're being willing to be so vulnerable and honor the vulnerability of that disclosure and not but while also not pretending that we're into something that we're not.

So I wrote an example for your listeners.

So people who are interested to build fluency in this realm without feeling rushed, without feeling pressured, what are some of the invitations you have for them?