Um, [laughs] but the idea is that you come with all that because that's love, but the way you do it kinda creates the stress as well.

Absolutely.

So that's, that overly concern and overcompensating for trying to look after your child's health, you know? So that's what you're saying.

So sometimes parents do this overcompensation.

Already, when exams are near, parents will say, "Don't eat too heaty.

Don't drink cold drinks," you know, "Don't stay up too late." Now, with the added, uh, layer of the haze, you have all the different, like, wear the mask, P.

Pakau, you know.

What are the signs that a parent should pick up on to indicate that, hey, okay, I need to like, you know, sit down or create some atmosphere or space for my child to deal with their stress?

Can parents genuinely pursue both at the same time, Dr Tan?

I think it's a mindset change.

I don't think, I know it is a mindset change and it is a difficult change because we come from that whole era of Singapore is a meritocratic society.

We've been told that and indoctrinated since we were young about how important our grades are.

And if you don't get your A's, you're a failure.

That's, horrible to hear as a child.

And then because we come from that generation and we really loathe it, right? We try to depart from it, but it is so difficult.

Okay, so Dr Tan, from a psychologist's perspective then, what would a healthy reconciliation of ambition and well-being look like inside a family?

So is this a new phenomenon then or we just didn't know about it until quite recently?

It's not a new phenomenon.

It is something that has been happening, and it may be caused by different issues.

One of the more common ones would be due to neurodiversity, where they would then recluse themselves because the world outside of society is very difficult and challenging to work in.

So those that are on the spectrum may find it more comfortable to be in their room.

And I've had a number of them over the years.

However, now what we're talking about are the other adults who choose to stay at home due to other reasons.

How does that affect family relationships over time?

Just

to secure it, okay? So why we are doing this is many, many, many people tend to hold on to different thoughts.

And they keep thinking about it.

That's what we call ruminations.

So it just goes round and round and round.

And they feel very miserable.

They feel very depressive, you know, not quite depression.

so that short bit just goes to show that I have way more to experience for the future which is a good future okay thank you for that no

it is.

And that's the important thing.

I think I want to highlight more than just whether it's tuition, whether it's I'm happy or not happy.

I think the important point is that giving the children alternatives.

So, all the alternatives.

Because what you've just said is that parents give you only one option.

And one option only.

fact, really? Okay.

I respect

him.

The expectation, I agree.

So if we use the word expectation, it's so loaded, right? But I think expectation is also the right word.

And I would apply it with any relationship, whether it is a friendship, whether it is a parent-child relationship, right? We need to learn, relearn, unlearn, We learn and learn again with our children, our friends.

If not, we can outgrow each other.

Or we just have more and more conflict because we don't understand this person.

It