How can they start parsing out the difference between an annoying behavior like you did with your partner and behavior that's actually really unhealthy? And this is not a good dynamic.

Oh, I love this question so much.

And I love the example that you gave because that was another thing that, for instance, I'll put myself on the spot.

I grew up in a home where there was a lot of criticism, a lot of negative criticism.

So I didn't realize, and there was a lot of conflict too.

And never physical, just verbal, emotional conflict.

I didn't realize how much I was perpetuating that in my relationship.

And so any advice to people about like how to say it? Because it is awkward and it is hard.

Are those the top

of the list? That's such an interesting point.

It makes me think of two things.

Okay, so I was just leading like a workshop on this a few days ago.

We were talking about boundaries and we had this picture of these two, it was like a bridge.

And on each side of the bridge, there was like a really sturdy bridge.

I don't actually know enough about like architecture to know what it's called, but there was like a really sturdy piece, like two pieces holding the bridge together.

Like

So how would someone know if they should stay or leave in a relationship? Like, what do you coach them on, or what kinda questions do you ask so they have, like, aha moments?

Yeah.

I feel like that's, like, a huge question, but I'll do my best to break it down.

[laughs] Um, so typically people know...

People...

Right, so they don't know whether they should stay or leave, and so what happens is that they do start to have those questions coming up.

Maybe after an argument you're, um, you're thinking, like, "Is this the right person? Should I even be here? Maybe there's a better person out there for me.

[laughs]