I wish I'd have.

But yeah, it's harder, isn't it? When you, you start to have things that make you not believe things that knock you back.

Yeah.

And the only thing I'd say from that is like, the longer I go on this journey, the more I realize that things that I thought I wanted are or bad things that were happening to me when I look back I think thank fuck that happened that way like thank god like I remember when I was pregnant my sole thing was right what I'm gonna do is I had a beauty salon uh some good money there and I was like right what I'll do is I will get the train down to London every Tuesday I'll leave these twins with my ex-boyfriend in my flat five doors up I'll breastfeed them every two hours then I'll go and do lash clients for like as many hours as I can That was my plan.

That was my best plan.

But that was for me was like, that is, I need to manifest that.

That needs to happen.

So would you share with us? And have you got those plans in place? Have you got a will written? Do people know your wishes and what are they?

Is that what you're trying to say?

Yeah, I truly believe that.

So recently, I had this massive goal.

And for years and years and years, I moved to the countryside in the pandemic.

And for years and years, basically ever since five years, I've been debating constantly, should I move back to London? Should I stay here? What should I do? I just, I didn't know what to do.

And I would, you know, when you drive yourself crazy with a decision and all the pros and cons and the thinking is, And I was like, right, well, if I move back there, I'd have to move to like zone four or five and I'd have to live further out.

And then what I'd have to do is rent for a year so that I could get the school catchment zone.

Like, do you ever do that reflection and look back at you in your previous lives through all those identities?

in 10 years and where we want to be sat in 10 years, right? Yeah, definitely.

And actually talking about coming up against your edge, I think sometimes in manifestation, people can get very, hung up on like signs yeah and feelings and like oh if it feels right if it's easy yeah yeah then it's meant to be and while there is an element of that that flow is you know our natural state we should be in that whatever yeah i think also when you are manifesting things that you've even never had or never done before and a good example of that would be finding love maybe if you've been hurt in a relationship or something finding love again that isn't the easiest thing to do quite often your brain will be telling you this feels wrong don't do it this is a risk just go out with your friends instead you don't need to go on a date but actually it's coming up against that edge that's when you need to grow some balls, really, and actually push through it.

And I was saying to you earlier about...

I recently had a huge manifestation, which...

I don't know why I'm doing this manifestation.

It is a manifestation.

But I...

Yeah.

What do you think about witches?

I love them.

I am a witch.

I'm raising witches.

So my youngest child I named after Marie Laveau, the voodoo queen of New Orleans.

So she is a witch.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah

... there's some that are, like, very...

They're like a standalone thing.

I wanna get a book published.

I want to buy a house.

I wanna do whatever.

I find those goals are, number one, very satisfying to reach, 'cause then you can be like, "Boom bitches, I've done it." But then there's other goals that are like, I wanna be healthier, I wanna live a healthy lifestyle, or I wanna f- have a relaxed nervous system where I wake up every day and I'm not feeling like I'm drowning in my own shit that I've fucking created in my life.

Right.

Yeah, on

your own.

And the thing is, it's not...

For a day.

It's for probably two years before I ever really had any real sort of support and the world started to open up again.

What was your mental health like? Did you lean on your sort of practices or did all of that go out the window? So by the time the babies were born, the reason I started the podcast was simply to give myself like...

and out basically.

How do they see the facts of where they've been as different as the possibility of the future of where they can go?