[laughs]

Like, I was very excited to not have to read maps anymore.

And then once I was traveling alone again, I was like, "Oh no, this has become actually, like, a huge deficiency for me," where I will walk the opposite direction of where I'm go- Like, I need walking maps.

And it's, I just feel humiliated by them, and I have to blame straightness at large for it, I guess.

I'm excited.

I do really love cold cuts and two-in-one shampoo and conditioner, Dick's Sporting Goods and tailgating, L.L.Bean, waiting your turn, instructions.

My favorite things.

I do really love venture capital, athleisure brands, and skiing, the three-city run of Cancun, Boston, Philadelphia, American Eagle Outfitters, maps, directions, True Religion jeans.

Here is comedian Emi Blotnick.

My husband and I got, we got married.

We went on our honeymoon.

We went to Japan.

That's a great place to go for anywhere.

For a trip, you gotta go to...

I don't know what I just said.

[laughs]

Like it's always, it's been this way since the beginning of time, I think.

I think, yes, I think people have always wanted to like beautify themselves.

I feel like now there's just more avenues to pursue.

Because like I'm thinking of when I was a kid, it would be like people would like frost the tips of their hair and be like, am I hotter now? Of course.

But now it's like you inject your face or something.

It's like just a different scale of beauty.

I saw a great article that tried to frame it like in older times, the cameras had a blurring effect because they were like lower definition.

Amazing.

The first

...

so this special took a while to come out, um, because originally I had a offer from a big company, and I remember I saw you out th- outside The Cellar, and I was like, "Here's this offer that's come my way," and they were like, they would pay to make the special, but I wouldn't own it, and I wouldn't get paid.

Amazing.

Um, okay.

Here's, [sighs] here's one I've only told, like, w- maybe one or two times, and I'm not sure...

Okay.

It was my husband's birthday, and I wanted to get him flowers, and I went to, like, a specialty florist, like a small business-

Are you monetized then?

like kind of but not really kind of but not really the yeah it's been yes I have to the thing is that once you put out an hour like that then it's like okay now what like write something new gotta write something new and nothing cool is gonna happen if you're looking at comments from strangers so like there is a I'm gonna need to be like Cut it off.

Although, wait, actually, can I tell you guys one thing that happened? I don't want to do bits that are just about things that happened between me and a screen because I think that's very boring.

But I did get the weirdest duo of spam texts.

And I've been thinking about this for a long time.

It would make me happy to read them to you.

Please share.

Japanese, I assume.

If you were listening to the radio, you, Gigolo, came across your desk.

I was a big radio listener.

I was thinking about this on the way here, that a lot of my early music interests were because my parents would leave me in the car a lot.

And I would change the radio station to Jammin' 94.5, which is the Boston area, like hip-hop and R&B.

Let's go.

And there was also a good alternative rock band.

station 104.1 BCN.

you really caught up on the math.

Do you like Billy? Nate looked fine.

None of it's moved the needle.

None of it's changed my life.

No one has ever asked me my secret.

It's messed up.

Because if anyone ever did ask me my secret, I'd have to tell them I spent a thousand dollars at Sephora and I look the same.

I look the exact same.

myself it

Right

...

I had, uh, it's 'cause it's also shows like that where you're, like, gunning toward an event, and then it's out.

It's not like, um, we're not all still hanging out afterwards.

Like, so I'm back at home, and I'm, like, just reading all this stuff, whatever.

Uh, it was very fun to write a lot of jokes for, it was, like, five or six weeks of just joke writing, so that was cool.

I don't know what happens next, so I'm, you know, uh, yeah.

Right.

And like, and their fav-

I think Benoit should get eaten by gators.

[laughs]

And this isn't either, but it's like this is decently spicy.

But I guess it, it does have a, a ghostly way of sort of apparating after you've eaten.