I'm aware of the football team.

On the Royal Mile in Edinburgh, where I live, there is a stone pattern on the cobbles outside St. Giles Cathedral in the shape of a heart.

And that marks where the toll booth for the prison used to be.

So it used to be where the prisoners were kept.

before they were brought out and hanged, and now there's a stone that marks it.

And it is good luck to spit on the heart.

And so every time I pass it, because I am superstitious, I do spit on the heart.

At the end of the day, a cloth handkerchief is shameful.

the biggest scabby slag we can get our hands on

And then I was like, I've come to talk about my traumatic sex life.

But anyway, she and my boyfriend were, it was the fringe, and they were hanging out because I had to go to a gig or something.

And they were in the same bar.

And she was like, Oh, well, it was on the podcast talking about vaginismus.

And, and then I got a message, a voice, a really panicked voice note from Crystal, like an hour later, like, Oh, my God, I'm so sorry.

Listen, i don't know i don't know if i wasn't meant to tell him this or i don't know what but i'm just so sorry and and and then i met up with him and i was like what happened he was like i don't know and um i don't think he i think he just didn't know what she was talking about she

listener.

Can you unpack this story for us?

I can, I'm excited.

I love pigeons.

My dad's an orthologist and when I was younger, every time I saw a pigeon that was in trouble, I'd put it in a box and be like, Dad, we've got another one.

And he'd be like, oh my God, this isn't part of my job.

But pigeons have basically failed the, I suppose it's, Not quite the Pavlov's dog test, but the idea that, you know, most animals and most humans will figure out after a while, if you do the same action, you might get a treat, which is an experiment that's worked on most animals and most humans, you know, press the red button five times, something pops out, rats, they all figure out.

what to do.

Can you unpack this story for us?

Yes.

Um, because I live in Ed- I'm from Edinburgh, I live in Edinburgh now, and, uh, we are, I think we have a very unfair reputation as a city for being this sort of tourist trap, uh, sort of Disneyland version of, of Scotland.

And I'm not saying that's not an issue, but I do think we've got so much more to offer.

But there is a huge problem we have with, um, as anywhere m- massively touristy has, with, uh, tourist tack shops which just sell lots of stuff made in China.

And, uh-

Mm.

And then you find out maybe half an hour later, uh, if you got it or not.

And, and I hadn't got it.

It didn't seem to be a theme, which you thought it might be.

Yeah, I think when it was happening, I was thinking, like lockdown, not the show, I was thinking, oh, everyone's going to do a lockdown show and everyone's going to be sick of hearing about it and talking about it and, you know, and then what am I going to talk about? But it was sort of about the very British problem I think we have with...

justifying having a rest which is sort of what the pandemic was yeah um feeling feeling like we should be productive all the time and doing something all the time and suddenly having two years where we didn't do anything um and also how do you square a very traumatic uh global catastrophe in which you had quite a nice time yeah How do you deal with that? And I think there was a few people who did have quite a nice...

Did anyone here have quite a nice time? Yeah, you see? It was so in ways...

Because also I sort of got...

You know, I got internet successful, quote-unquote, at that point.

And I did a whole bunch of other stuff that I think has made my life better.

I don't want to be the guy going, oh the fringe was much better in the 80s and 90s when well when the bins were collected i'm sure they were uh but it felt like it felt like this year that it was you'd have to be pretty rich to come and perform or or view the edinburgh