When you ask that, why did

you do that? Well, I think the premise behind this whole cake idea, which we'll unpack as we go, but the premise is that I think people think that they don't have to be as interested in the evolution of their spouse because they're married.

You know, like I know everything about Kathy.

Like, you know, we make I think the longer we're married, the more assumptions we make that we know our wife or our husband.

We know our we know their feelings.

We know their thoughts.

And, you know, being married for over 40 years, what I've realized is that those assumptions are wrong because Kathy over 40 years has changed everything.

And you actually asked your dearly beloved wife about hugging, and she gave you an answer that you didn't really think was probably the

Yeah.

Well, even in even in that busyness, I would tell young couples, this is the time to establish the boundaries, the dates, the conversations that is going to shape you for the rest of your marriage.

So our premarital counseling that we got was.

You dated to get here, continue to date afterwards.

And we forgot a lot of his advice, but we took that advice.

And so even in busy seasons, we knew we would have a Thursday night during a season where we were always going to connect.

Right.

Yeah.

[laughs]

I also attack my heart as well.

So when I allow a form of hatred to stir up conflict, what I'm saying is I can't isolate my damage to just her heart without damaging my heart, too, because we're in a one heart marriage.

Does this make sense? Yeah.

So even if I technically win, I lose because we lose.

So with option one, you can stir it up all you want, but it doesn't strengthen your oneness, and any fool can do that according to scripture.

So thankfully, the Proverbs gives us another option when conflict arrives.

[laughing]