yeah

Yeah.

And I found like, I mean, I've had to evolve a lot in my thinking.

And, you know, I do I do remember like I drank the Kool-Aid pretty strong as well.

And I'm thankful it probably saved me.

Kind of like you were saying earlier.

But but but after a while, like I remember, I don't know, I'm just thinking of one specific woman I know who was a very heavy drug user, intravenous drugs, hard alcohol user, hard liquor.

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

you know, having a few drinks.

And, and, you know, as I got, like a little bit, not older, but like, able to see what's going on in my family, it's just also obvious that there's a lot of issues with alcohol with within my home.

Mainly, I had a extremely troubled, she had her own story.

a very damaged and extremely alcoholic mom.

And I had a, a dad who drank a lot, but it was a pretty fun guy, you know? And, but the constant there is that everybody's drinking, you know? And I think, you know, I mean, you, you know this from a clinical standpoint but you know having severe alcoholism in in the home you know kind of not kind of it strongly affects how you feel about yourself and how you see the world and I couldn't put this into perspective at the time but yeah like I didn't I didn't feel ever emotionally safe never knew what to expect it's the whole you know come home and one day maybe my mom's making cookies and maybe see she's sprawled out on the family room floor You know, you just, you don't know, you know, and you know, just the unexpected and then the very, the very shameful behaviors, right? Like I'm talking like, you know, you know, like wearing like bathrobes at my baseball games and like, just like passing out at my birthday party.

You know what I mean? Like that, that kind of stuff that just, yeah, it shouldn't happen.

Yeah.