And did you have that sense of relief and grief mixed in together? What was that like for you?

I think everyone who looks for a diagnosis is perhaps seeking something.

Now, that could be clarity of mind.

That could be, I just want to know.

That's it.

There could be some kind of other reason.

For example, if I get a diagnosis, I can have extra time doing my exams.

And how has that changed you having to face those things through the work of writing the book?

you

know this is someone who's you know done very well professionally but you know it's not a superstar or anything like that but I remember going around his house and he'd asked me to come and sat on his sofa and he said look, I need your help with X, Y, and Z, mainly about publicity and getting a project out into the world.

I thought I was there because there was some respect for what I had managed to do with certain projects.

And he said to me one of the most hurtful comments that anyone ever landed, which was, see, the thing with you, you're like a used car salesman.

You know, you just keep going.

You know, wear people down.

Now, I am not, you know, people sell used cars and they do it very well.

What would you say to someone like that that might be listening today?

No,

no, don't do that.

But you know what? This is true.

This is true.

Love is one thing, okay? Love is something powerful.

Hate is something very powerful.

And they intersect.

Would you what would you want them to know before they give up on themselves?