Like, I'm not.

So, yeah.

Do you remember when you first she showed up on your radar? Did you see Summer of Sam? I didn't.

Did you? Yes.

So this is how she loses her first job is she really wants to do Summer of Sam.

And like I've seen this happen behind the scenes.

It's so hard to get released from a TV show to like do anything that you really want to do.

And

How did that all happen, the structuring of it?

I love the idea of a box.

It wasn't exactly like that, but I did have drafts of things.

And the drafts that I had were more conventional in structure, most of them.

The poem at the beginning, I sort of found that.

in my process after I had sort of started to put the pieces together.

And I just loved it so much that I thought about putting it into something more conventional and it made my skin crawl just thinking about it.

How did that all happen?

Oh, that's so funny.

And I didn't know this, and then I looked it up after the fact, but you sort of revert back to, it's sort of like a bell-shaped curve or whatever that it's really bad and then it dips down and normalizes.

And then as you're going through perimenopause, which you would think it just means it's gonna get less or it's gonna reduce the severity of the cramps or whatever.

No.

It goes back to those early hormone fluctuations that you had.

And so, like, last month, I literally had a longer period than usual.

[laughs]

...

Mm

... to build your email list is so important, and so that's a huge part of Podcast Bestie is a newsletter and a podcast, and The Bleeders is also a newsletter and a podcast.

And so what I've really love about both of those shows is that they're craft focused, they're related-

Yeah.

And to, and different, like, audiences.

And so if, if it is your instinct, you know, then I do encourage you to follow that path and, like, listen to yourself and, and you know.

You know? If, if I wouldn't unnecessarily create extra things because-

Is that the driver for you?

Yes.

I am a curious person, but I just think... you know, I started podcasting as a vehicle for comedy.

Like it wasn't, I wasn't trying to find podcasting.

I was just looking for a cheaper way to make a show that wasn't a web series.

And so I just got really lucky with podcasting that I sort of found it.

It wasn't the very first wave, but it was like right around cereal.

What's some sort of ideas or insights or tips that you can share with us to help people get over the overwhelm or not get into the overwhelm in the first place?

I thought you were about to say in Canada.

[laughs] Well, Canada, there's a lot of small towns in Canada, but yeah, they, they li- they liked small towns because they found people easier to exploit is what I quickly found out was kind of their game.

And so the next, you know, event we were on Vancouver Island and it was more of a small town vibe, and that, already that second event I was like, "Whoa." I had discovered we were making porn.

I had been shown the room at the back of the bus that we were trying to get girls to go, go back there.

I saw a girl that night and was, like, overhearing kind of them working with her and sh- and they were, and she was totally drunk.

They get these drunk girls to sign contracts.

They're not going out that night thinking...

Yeah

What's something about your sexuality or, or just your sexual self, what's something about that younger Courtney that you miss and what's a, a part of her that you are glad is gone?

[laughs] The, great questions.

I have not been asked those yet.

Okay.

So what I love is she was, and I do feel like I'm a totally different person than I...

You know, there are different selves that I have been, you know, earlier versions of myself that are in this book.

But I love how hard I was just chasing my dreams.

So I do believe that that will be happening at some time.

... on this day.What is your book?

My book is An Unwitting Feminist Coming of Age.

It is a memoir about being a small town girl trying to make it in Hollywood with big dreams and getting sucked into the underbelly, including selling T-shirts on the Girls Gone Wild Tour and various other misadventures.

And ultimately finding, hey, it's got a happy ending.

I found my true passion, which is writing and yeah.

Yes.

And so there's a dance-off.

Wait, I think this is before the drag race because [laughs] Danny was dancing with Sandy, and then Cha Cha tries to cut in, and he just lets her, and they win the American Bandstand dance-off.

Mm.

I was so broke.

I was so young.

I graduated c- you know, college early.

I was just trying to get started in LA.

I had no idea how to do that.

And so I was also making all these, like, financial de- [laughs] decisions.

Like, how did it shape you? Like, what i- what is your takeaway from all this?

What is your favorite Letterboxd review of Mr. Bean? [laughs]

[laughs] I s- so boring right now in my search history.

I mostly related to Mia Ballard's Shy Girl.

Did you hear about this controversy?

That's kinda odd

... it's not illegal to be ba- to be bad at writing, but the witch hunt was crazy.

There was no due process.

She didn't have a chance to defend herself.

I just really would love to know, what do you think men totally completely misunderstand about the women on there?

That's so interesting that you say that.

I've actually been heartened in some ways that I'm like, actually, these men are willing to pay for it.

And most of them are very respectful.

And in that way, I'm like, good for you.

That's not necessarily what I was expecting from the situation.

And I do, like, Playboy-style and topless photos, and mostly it's pretty rare that you even get a glimpse of downstairs.

a

And maybe if you want to dive into one of the more wild stories from your sexy travels and we can get that like rip that bandaid off of the girl gone wild journey

or fiasco or whatever you want to call it.

Yes.

Yes.

Also, I just want to say in the book, there is a very interesting there's a squirting essay.

There's fun stuff too.

It's not just trauma, but yeah, private parts unknown.

Yeah.

Uh, this is an-

But they're like, "Actually, your Rhodesian med school's not good here." (laughs)

Uh...

Where, where, what school is he attending here?

Yeah.

So all the things you're saying are, like-

In Idaho you thought, the Idaho guy?

Y- oh, yeah.

It was Idaho.

You're right.

Mm-hmm.

Do you wanna plug your pluggables one more time for everybody?