Can you

hear it? Can you hear his voice? It's cracking.

I can hear it a little bit during the roast, but he crushed it so hard, and then afterwards, he's like,

To do it this well on your first one is

crazy.

Sometimes we get, sometimes I'm an accidental green room assistant in a comedy show where I'm buying Tommy Pope's drinks because someone's not there.

And that has not happened at all this time.

There's something, it's been wonderful.

A brand new minute from Houston's own Colin Sledge.

Okay, thank you.

You know, so God gave us two ears and one mouth.

because they're supposed to listen twice as much as we talk.

But he also gave us 10 fingers, so we're supposed to be finger blasting like all the time.

I always tell girls, you should never fake an orgasm with me, you know? Because I don't care.

I found out women are supposed to pee after sex to prevent a UTI every time.

Yeah.

[laughing]

Can I do one more joke? Okay.

Um, my girlfriend says I don't make enough eye contact during sex, and it's not even true.

I make a lot of eye contact during sex, it's just with myself in the mirror.

Mm-hmm.

But I don't wanna have kids just to get a vasec.

And so I said, "I'll go visit my niece in Honduras," my brother had a baby, "and then I'll come back.

If I still want a vasectomy, will you give it to me?" And he said yes, and then I did that, and then I came back, and I called him, and he retired, so.

Here he is.

Okay, thank you.

Once I was talking to a girl at a bar, and I thought it was going okay, but she threw a drink in my face.

I was like, hey, watch it.

There's $30 of roofies in there.

So the problem with that joke is I don't know if that's the right amount of money to say.

I'm afraid to look it up.

How's life been going, Colin?

Here he is.

[cheering] [upbeat music]

Okay, thank you.

[laughing]

Um, once I was talking to a girl at a bar, and I thought it was going okay, but she threw a drink in my face.

I was like, "Hey, watch it.

There's $30 of roofies in there."

Oh, shit.

Make some noise for Colin.

[clapping] [upbeat music] Thank you.

Yeah.

So I moved to Austin.

Um, I'm a little worried about fitting in, you know? [laughs] Yeah! I went, I went to my, I went to my first show and this guy in the green room was going on like, "You know, when I'm on stage, man, that's the real me." And then he went up and did seven minutes of rape jokes.

[laughs] It was me.

Um.

If, um, if a plane makes a successful water landing, do the Black passengers panic harder after the landing?

[laughs]

Um, my girlfriend thinks, uh, The Godfather is too long, but her story about when her coworker was bitchy to her two years ago is-

Amazing.

See, just pander.

Gets, gets it back on you.

No, there was this Swedish lady, and she was, like, playing these old bagpipes, and I was- had taken edibles, so I was, like, freaking out.

It was really fun.

[laughs]

Okay.

Uh, I got picked on in school, uh, when I was growing up.

One time, this kid put a sticker on my back that said, "Kick me." He thought that was funny, so I put a sticker on his back.

It was just a target.

[laughs]

I was always nervous around girls growing up.

I mean, I still am, but when I was growing up, my, my dad used to tell me, "It's important to remember that girls are more afraid of you than you are of them."

Um.

[laughs] You got it.

[laughs] [cheers] [applause]

[laughs]

Um, I tried, uh, dating a Black girl for the first time.

Um, I wanted her to like me, you know, but, uh, I guess we just weren't, like, super compatible.

I remember she asked me, like, "Do you even know what the G-spot is?" I was like, [laughs] "That's where the gangsters be hanging out, shit."

So then what happened?

Um, they searched, uh, they frisked all of us and sat us on the curb in the cold, and then they searched my car.

And, uh, uh, they found some more of her weed maybe, and then the other passenger, they found, uh, more weed, a fair amount of weed, and a scale and little baggies.

Okay, so then what happened?

Uh, then they, they asked him, like, "Why do you have the scale and the, and the baggies?" And I think he just didn't answer, which was probably good.

And then they made him stomp on all his weed with his cowboy boots and let us go.

I did...

I think it was because we were talking about, like, "Why, where are you coming from?" And we said we were going from Austin back to Houston after Kill Tony, and he was like, you know, the, the white guy cop's like, "Did you get on?" And then my friend was like, "Yeah, he got a golden ticket." And he was like, "Well, congrats." He was really nice.

[laughs]

So I used to work at the mall, at Express.

One time, uh, these two ladies were in the same fitting room, and when that happens, apparently you're supposed to say, "I'm sorry, we only allow one person at a time in the fitting rooms." But what I said was, "Aw, yeah."

[laughs]

I always, I always say the wrong thing, you know? Like, I was hooking up with this girl, and, uh, she was like, you know, "Talk dirty to me," and I was like, "What do you want me to say? I'll just say whatever you want.

Just tell me what to say." And she was like, "Just make me feel like a slut." I was like, [scoffs] "You're such a slut, you're having sex with me."