So let's rock and roll.

Yeah, for sure.

So this gentleman actually just joined the Activation Method.

Oh, congratulations to him.

Yep, absolutely.

And yeah, he was in, I wouldn't say a unique situation, but in a bit of a desperate one.

When I got on and I started talking to him, it was evident that he was exhausted, for one.

I mean, especially if you're a scaredy cat, like me, like a guy like me, it's like, I don't want to be up there.

Yeah.

If she's showing up in that way, I think that's the big reframe that, you know, I...

I'm an eternal optimist, just generally an optimist.

And I kind of approach my life from the place of everything is working for me, right? So from that high perspective of just like anybody that's showing up in my life, even if in the moment it feels like a negative or it feels like pushback or whatever it may be, I reframe that from a place of this person showing up to serve me in this moment.

How? And that's a perfect description.

Somebody's coming, showing up to test my resolve in who I say I am and how I show up.

The very human aspect of me may have a lot of emotions around that.

Sure.

I think your words were shake the shit out of your friend.

Yeah.

Um, I say this with all the love in my heart.

Of course.

Right.

Um, and not going to mention names or anything like that, but I found out that a friend of mine that I've known for a very long time, um, is getting a divorce and, um, There were a number of reasons why I wanted to shake him.

First off, the process of this started eight months ago and never reached out to me.

Now, how do we come up with the alpha reset process? Been through hell and back a few times, and a lot of good coaches put it together, and we go, okay, here's how we can mimic some of this transformational experience.

Mm-hmm

... and he's out shopping for, you know, who is the right fit for him, right? So, um, he didn't end up coming into the movement yet.

He's doing some research.

Uh, but the question I guess that came up, uh, for me is I'm, I'm curious from your perspective, like what is it that you look for in a personal development program that would align for you and that would say, "Hey, yes, this is, this is the thing for me," or what type of research do you do, I guess?

You, you want a professional.

Yeah, and I mean, you know, how many guys, if, if somebody's selling a $300 program promising you to get a result that, you know, $10,000 program is promising to get you, how many people do you think choose that $300 path? And then at that point, like, what level of support are those people actually getting, right? Because that fundamentally, from a business standpoint, is you're not gonna be able to support

What's the time period of how long they get to suffer for, for their actions?

I mean, I don't know if there's a linear time period for it.

I would say... um, their relationship to their own punishment is going to be the thing that eventually gets them to a place where they're, they're no longer going to have that experience.

So it's, if somebody feels like they deserve to be punished, punishment will show up for them, right? So to me, it would be this client's own relationship to their actions.

Is he truly one with himself? Let's take his wife out of the equation.

Has he truly acknowledged exactly what happened with himself? Has he been completely honest with himself about this situation? Why it happened? What happened? All of that, right? So we know at that point that he is clear with the actions that were taken.

Felt all of the feelings around that, right? Shame.

So in the listener's mind, they know that they have a second chance to get that grievance off their chest.

Yes.

Right? So I am very aware of, hey, all right, this is gonna happen.

What are the skills that are required to come back together? Um, and then how quickly can I execute them? And so many times I have done that exact same thing of just, like, I go down the path, one, of writing stories of, you know, hey, uh, do I actually want to bring this back together? Do I actually want to be in this relationship? Like, I can go down this whole long path, um, and get lost in that, like, very quickly.

Yeah

... honestly.

If I, if I'm coming in the house and I've got, you know, uh, if I'm not grounded, I'm not settled into the space, like, she's gonna point it out.

So it's been really easy for me to, like, when I walk through that door, like, I know that I'm a different person.

I'm coming in as a CFO, and, like, we're just gonna go have fun as a family and as a husband and all of that.

What does that mean to you?

Roommate with a ring.

Yeah.

So when I think of roommate with a ring, I think a lack of intimacy, a lack of connection, going through the day-to-day routines of life without a level of intimacy.

polarity in a relationship, lacking excitement.

I think of roommate with a ring as I get up, I go to work, I come home, I eat dinner, I sit down on the couch, I watch Netflix with my wife, she falls asleep, I go to bed, and then I do the same thing again over and over and over.

And I take the kids to soccer practice and I do all of the things that are required of me, but I don't have any real... passion or fire or intimacy in the home and it feels like i might as well be living with a guy really that's just we're just kind of functional in this relationship and not really like in this relationship and there's lacking that spark that fire

One piece of advice, because I know you've been in the situation as I have, What's one piece of advice or hope that you would give a guy who's like, crap, when I reach for that doorknob, I don't want to turn it and walk in.

And what's the chance of connection or intimacy that evening? Very low.

Yeah, and then you've gotta, you've gotta rebuild that, that trust until the, the next moment where you have the opportunity to actually exercise it, right? Um, one of the tricks that I like to use in my relationship, there are certain, certain things my wife may say that, like, that, that trigger point feels sharp, right?

Yeah.

Right? She's talking about somebody else.

And I f- I find that if you're not familiar with staying in that engaged and different spot, that can be a really good way to, like, get to that place of just, like, "I'm not taking this personally.

Right? This isn't about me, even though she's saying it is.

Not about me," and just kind of remove yourself from that piece of it.

Yeah.

Well, and I think as men, there's some validity to the idea of that internal feeling.

Yeah.

Because as men, our wives are – our biggest supporter.

They're the thing that like men are pretty fragile at the end of the day, right? We're big, strong, we protect, but you hit us sideways, especially our wives.

It's like we can shatter really quickly.

So we want that support, right? We want that.

And the shame guilt loop starts.

And not quantity,

quality.

I'll tell you a story.

My 14th wedding anniversary was Monday.

And we've just had a lot going on in life.

Just, you know, kind of from every angle, just stuff happening.

Um, and Sunday rolled around, I'm like, shit, man, it's anniversary is tomorrow.

Well,