Mm.

I have to stop because, especially if I'm emotional about it inside, if I'm flared up, I can't really clarify what I'm, why I'm that way in the moment either.

So I'll start with saying, "I don't know why, but I am so frustrated that that person just got to do that and I don't get to do it, Lord.

Why does that make me... " And so sometimes right away, sometimes it'll take a quieter moment [laughs] for Him to show me, but there's always a, He's very gently showing, "This is what's up underneath that.

Like, you really are fearful if you don't get to do it right now that it won't ever happen.

But that's not true, and you know that's not true if you say it that way to yourself." But in the moment, it can feel really scarcity, like, "Ah, that's another opportunity I should've or wanted or should've had," or, "If I don't get to do it now, I'm never gonna..." So there's a, there's a, a lot of sifting through that where I can, once I pause for a second and say, "Why is that bugging me so much? Why does that make me so tense or lonely? Why does that person putting out a cool new record make me feel really sad inside that I can't be a part of that record-making process? I could've helped co-write for that.

I could've helped produce it.

Give me a hard thought.

And if I

do, I get to, I scratched that itch getting to just play at home and play piano at home.

I don't even play drums at home much.

Cause that's not really my thing.

I did it and I'll enjoy it, but I like playing music and worshiping and just music is more of the joy, not just drumming.

So I can scratch that itch in a lot of other ways, but yeah, Yeah, that to me is the biggest helpful thread that I almost frustratingly have to come back to all the time.

And I come back to it with my wife and how we make decisions for our family.

Yeah.