Mm-hmm.

"But like, we haven't had sex in three years, and I don't see that ever fixing itself or us ever addressing it." It's like you're not stuck with this person, and sex is a legitimate thing to want to have a partner who will meet you on your level.

So I'm not saying jump there, but I'm saying, like, if you need someone to tell you that it is okay, that sex matters enough that you should prioritize it when you're thinking about who you wanna make a commitment to-

Yeah.

I speak to a lot of people where, you know, there's a woman who's getting tested regularly, and then a man who's, like, never been tested before and is just sort of like, "Oh, but, you know, my partners have gotten tested, so, like, obviously I don't need to." Not the case.

Your body, your health.

Also, her body, her health.

You can have an STI and not have symptoms.

So i-I would love for you to unpack that.

You know what's interesting about all three of those things is that you could extrapolate from genitals to entire body based off of those three things, right? Like, uh, in terms of overall physique and the preferences that people have for, you know, having a, a athletic build and wider shoulders and narrower hips, which, you know, is, is reflective of all genders have sort of preferences on a, on a population level when studies, when studies are done and we're looking at averages.

We can say that most people prefer, you know, this sort of shape in a woman and this sort of shape in a man.

But of course, individuals vary considerably in their taste and preferences there.

Uh, in terms of smell, actually one of the greatest indications of whether or not you're going to, uh, uh, form a, a, a, a sexually satisfying relationship with another person has more to do with their smell than it has to do with their, uh, uh, size or shape.

It's one of the issues with dating apps is, again, because we can't actually observe someone in person to take in information that's very vital, that we have, you know, four hundred thousand years of unbroken evolution of just Homo sapiens, and then sexual evolution has existed far, far f-further into, uh, into the past, going back to, like, some of our earliest ancestors.

Uh, when you can't smell someone, you are not giving your brain the information that it needs to determine if they would be a good mate for you on a biological and genetic level.

And he's like, "Where do I start?" Like, "I don't even know where to start." And obviously, you know, we, we've given guys a lot of great strategies and, and things to do, but from a woman's perspective, I'm really interested in like where does a man start with that?

you know you wouldn't do that

to someone you love treat them like someone you love um but begin to like slowly ramp up do something called lingam massage which i also teach like give yourself a massage instead of going straight for this should feel good this should feel arousing this should get me to orgasm And then once you've done that for a while, then move into a technique that feels like, you know, you're going to get closer to orgasm, depending on if you're edging, that might, edging meaning getting close to orgasm and then pulling off.

That technique might look different.

Switch things up.

Use your other hand, especially if you want to last longer, changing sensation, maybe even bring in a toy because that's going to be a different amount of sensation so you can train differently.

And then finally bringing in, uh, fantasies bringing in, uh, or visualization is what I actually prefer because I think going on a porn detox, if, if any of the things that we've talked about today, like really resonate and you think that porn is part of the challenge for you, like maybe take a little break with it and instead visualize yourself with a lover in that moment, maybe a real lover that you're actually with or a future lover who you want to be with or like a um the wife or the girlfriend that you you are calling in for yourself imagine yourself like making love to her in those moments if you need some sort of erotic reference in here and if you're able to just be present with yourself with your body with your experience you don't need to add any visuals in here either and then play around with it so all of these things and you don't have to incorporate all of them at once But even just making slight changes to your masturbation routine, even if it's just getting coconut oil instead of whatever, it's a petroleum jelly.

These things add up and they really show your body that you care about your body.

you mentioned lingam massage so tell me a little bit there's these like techniques lingam massage yoni massage tell me about like their background what are they what do they benefit how to do them potentially