Why do I deserve that?

Michelle, she rocked up, and she always brings me an edible, and I'm like, "Oh, well..." And then I was like, "I'll have a little bit," 'cause it smelt real bad, and I was like, "This is gonna be fucking rough." So I just had the tiniest bit, and I was like, "Oh my God, I need to fucking call an ambulance." And I messaged the girl like, "What was in it?" She goes, "Yeah, there was a lot.

Got ya." [laughs]

I swear it was like two hours.

Oh, dude, and the worst part was I was like...

I was, um, I was cat-sitting for my, um, my ex, uh, who I s- you know, s- my g- my good friend Fiona, and I was, I was cat-sitting for the house.

And then I must have, like, got drunk and lost the keys to her house or some shit.

but you also can't throw it in the bin

yeah i'm not a fucking psycho so i was like well yeah i'll obviously take more than i normally take just for the same and i'll be fine i'm on a plane for four hours or five hours whatever and my after i got through it was international after i got through security and i was just sitting there playing like a dirt bike video game on my like like switch type thing and um And then I was like, I mustn't, it mustn't have been connected to the headphones or some shit because I was so high.

And then I was laughing just because it was fun.

And then two like female security staff who were like worked in customs come over and then they started speaking French at me.

And I didn't know what the, I don't speak French, obviously.

And they were just like two of the hottest chicks ever.

And then for some reason I got in my mind that this was the start of a porno and I was in a porno.

Yeah, I know

Is that a good summary of what you just said?

That's a great summary.

Can I, and I want to follow up on this.

I had an interesting conversation with our deacons quorum a while ago and I asked them, listen, if I got angry with someone, which I've been known to do with the airlines in the past and I'm trying to get better, would that keep me from the celestial kingdom? And everyone would have said, no, no, that's not a big enough sin.

And I said, yeah, it would.

the Lord said, no unclean thing can enter into his presence.

And they were like, oh no, we're forlorn, we're toast.

And I just found on the LDS app, that little

Well,

yeah.

Then cut to him on the couch with mittens reading a book.

And I was like.

motherfucker when did this happen right he's wild when he wants to be wild he's not when he's not so we get off these snow gigs and then i was bored because goldstein wasn't there so i made some friends with some dudes at the gig right i made a group of friends snowboarders and then i went over to the i was like oh i've been rude i'm hanging out with these guys but these guys are over there maybe smoking weed or something i don't know what they're doing but i went and hanged out with another group of friends so i made two groups of friends but i didn't realize they were like not they were kind of like rivals that like like say group of eight group of eight and when they're we're at the top bar and you're like you it's kind of funny because when the bar closes you snowboard all the way down to the mountain to your cabin or whatever it's just a weird way it's like a james bond film everyone leaves via snowboard um but they left down this specific way when i'm turning around and said i'll see you later blakey and i went as a joke i went yeah fuck off, cunt.

Yeah.

Like mucking around, flipping him off.

where the fuck am i

read you like a book, brother.

Yeah, I was with my mate Tony.

So he's like a 60-year-old crabber from Perth.

He comes over and hangs out with me all the time.

And we went on the Titanic because I wanted to take him somewhere.

So we put on the – he goes, let's go to the Titanic VR.

And I was like, just don't do anything fucked, right? And we had the goggles on and then there was a digital captain and he was – Within like five minutes, Tony was trying to bum the captain while jerking him off.

I'm obsessed with the

No, but I didn't

know there was going to be any in the studio.

I thought it would all be, we've done it.

And I don't know about you guys, but it gave me a big panic attack.

But I reckon I got Stockholm Syndrome because only one, I was like, on day three, I was like, the lady, the runner who was looking after me, I was like, on day three, I was like, I think I'm in love.

I'm at the end of my

tour.

You are doing it nowhere.

Yeah, I was gonna say, now I can think of nothing else.

There's, uh, uh, Eddie Hall was one of the strongest guys in the world, like, one of the strongest men in the world, but he cannot...

It w- it was a documentary about him, and he goes, "Yeah, I haven't wiped my ass in years.

I have to use a hose." [laughs] Not just like a garden one, by the way.

A nice one, you know what I mean? He's probably got a bidet.

You know, he's got money.

[laughs]

I, I, yeah, I think you...

You?

Yeah.

What are the odds? This mic's not even on.

Let's pick it up from yours.

They fucking hated me.

I was like, I, it was a, you know when you're feeling good, you're like, "I'm in it.

Oh, I'm an inter- not an international comedian, but I'm feeling..." This set-

[laughs]

[laughs]

... doing each of those things.

But I, I reckon I got Stockholm syndrome, 'cause only one, one let, one...

I was like, I...

On day three, I was like, the lady, my, the runner-

Yeah, I figured.

Like, you are doing it nowhere.

Um, we're gonna add some more tour dates I think soon, but yeah, keep an eye out for it.

Thank you so much.

Thank you for getting involved.

Um, up next, we have a man who I believe might have taken the mantle from me as the dumbest man on TV, and I love him a lot.

He's up next.

Mm

...

he, like, he just does it, and that was the best part.

Like, for some things, like, I, we, I took a thing down a flying fox, and at the end to celebrate, he just had to take his shirt off and run around.

Yeah.

But I found out that they would, like, 'cause I asked for an explosion, and they give me an explosion, and then I just started asking for stuff that I didn't even need.

I was like, "I want two snakes around my neck" at this stage.

Yeah.

And then you can't obviously buy a safe to crack it, so I bought a lock-picking kit off Amazon, and then it rocked up three weeks later.

I completely forgot that I had it, and then I was like, "What am I gonna do with this?"

there's a difference in the way that well i'm interested in was there a difference in the way audiences perceived you were you just more like a larrikin australian vibe to them or did they get like a cultural context of it

It took a little while.

I'd say not so much like the actual Scottish people because Scottish are traditionally working class and they've been suppressed by the English.

So they're very aware of classism because it's been fucking against them for so long.

So I feel like they were on board-ish.

But, you know, if you go to the Edinburgh Festival, it's – It's every cat and their dog.

You know what I mean? It's crazy.

It's rare that we think about them being like a 16-year-old kid or a 15-year-old kid or a 17-year-old kid or whatever else it might be.

Is there, and if so, what is the solution?

Yeah.

Well, clearly, I think annuities are a solution that most Americans don't know, right? 54% want guaranteed income, 25% know about annuities.

But the reason it's a solution is that annuities are a contract with a life insurance company, and the life insurance company will basically guarantee you a monthly income until you die.

They take the risk of, will my money run out at 82 or the day I die? They'll make sure that it actually runs down out the day you die.

And more people are starting to understand that.

Main institutions are finally figuring that out.

What does that mean? Well, we have it

For people that haven't seen it yet, what is it about?

The show is about how when I was about 17 years old, I nearly went to jail for assaulting a police officer in a riot in Western Australia.

And the show is about second chances.

And it's a show I wrote for my mum to show her how appreciative I was of all the hard

yes.

And that's been in my childhood bedroom for the last 10 years.

And when mum and dad moved to Albany and I have my own new room there, it somehow made its way to Albany four hours away as well.

So I get to, as I'm sinking beers, I get to look at your six pack.

For people that haven't seen it yet, what is it about?

The show is about how when I was about 17 years old, I nearly went to jail for assaulting a police officer in a riot in Western Australia.

And the show is about second chances.

And it's a show I wrote for my mum to show her how appreciative I was of all the hard work and her putting up with my

house that you grew up in?

They only just moved a year ago.

And don't worry, Tommy, I know because my mum's a big Tommy Little fan.

She has his calendar, you know, with his shirt off.

For people that haven't seen it yet, what is it about?

The show is about how when I was about 17 years old, I nearly went to jail for assaulting a police officer in a riot in Western Australia.

And the show is about second chances.

And it's a show I wrote for my mum to show her how appreciative I was of all the hard work and her putting up with my crap.

You're a very

same house that you grew up in?

They only just moved a year ago.

And don't worry, Tommy, I know because my mum's a big Tommy Little fan.