Yeah

...

it was a cautionary tale for myself as a dad to remember in the future when my kids wanna do something that I need to really think about it and is, is, you know, is this something I, I want them to do, or is there, there a reason they shouldn't do this? Um, so that's where the title comes from.

Um, and you know, as a, as a divorced father, you know, I was teaching my kids kind of the core of what I would teach.

I used to teach men- the first course I would teach when I was a program manager or course manager for the Navy SEAL sniper program, I was 27 and got taught this positive psychology that they were using in the Olympics and professional sports.

And I saw when I was teaching it to snipers, the c- the core kind of fundamentals to any mental management program, you have visualization, which is mental rehearsal.

You have just kind of, like, outlook.

Yeah

Like, why don't you have my back? Why aren't you advocating for me to get back on the team?"

Well, I th- I think in that situation, um, and, and I wrote a whole checklist of puddle jumpers for discipline because I think parents, out of love and fear sometimes, they have this emotional reaction to a situation, and they wanna protect.

But i- and in many cases, they're just jumping right into the punishment, like, "What are we gonna do to punish this kid for the behavior?" And they don't necessarily un-- uh, peel back the layers and understand the why of the behavior.

And so here's an example.

When my-- Back when my youngest was f-failing out of middle school, D's, F's, he was in a bad friend group.

His mom would call me once a week when I was living in New York, and she's like, "Look, I, I gotta send this kid to you.

He's driving me crazy." You know, we looked at military schools.

Ugh.

Do you think We actually need more dad specific parenting guidance, or is it more just about how we communicate the same message in a way that resonates with both parents? And if so, what would land better with fathers to get them more engaged in this conversation around parenting and child rearing?

Yeah, so I think the answer is yes to both your questions.

But I do think, especially fathers today, they need help.

Clearly, they need help.

I'm a Harvard Business School alumnus.

I've been in YPO, which is Young Presidents Organization.

So I'm around these high-performing you know, men and women, but a lot of fathers that are what I would consider, you know, the breadwinners of the family right throughout in the career world, but they're clearly finding themselves strangers in their own house because they're not present.

How do you feel like that experience has changed how you've shown up differently for your kids? And where do you see that biggest impact on their confidence and resilience? In terms of all that you've learned.

And then we'll have a chance over the next 20 minutes to dig into that.

Sure.

So I would say the biggest thing from an, from the Navy seal side would be exemplary leadership.

Like you learn in the seals that you have to lead by example.

Um, and that's a lot of that is, is military, um, training in itself, but that's a big one.

And so how that applies to parenting is you can't get on your kids for too much screen time when you're on your cell phone at the dinner table.

Like you just, you have to like really set the example.

Yeah

Like, as you look around at that, I mean, if we think about that as the point of when we're going to sort of depart today, what do you think is going on there?

I think it started with the millennials.

I have Gen Z kids.

But the millennials were really that kind of group of kids that... essentially we're part of this American culture shift of everybody should get a trophy.

If you show up just to participate, you should, you should win.

Everybody's a winner.

And as we know, as adults, SF, when we leave home, like that's not how the world works.

But he'll get those 24

You want to say it again? So how do you decide when to act versus when to wait when stakes are high and you don't have full clarity?

Um, well, that, that's actually a good question.

It's, it's something, um, I talk about in Puddle Jumpers quite a bit 'cause I think especially when it comes to discipline, parents don't, don't get to the why, right? There's been plenty of books written about why.

You know, get to the why of...

And usually it's related to your own personal life, but, um, I, I even create a discipline checklist a- and put it in, in Puddle Jumpers 'cause I'm like a checklist guy from being in the SEALs and, and also a pilot.

Um, so I, I do think it, it probably really depends on context, your question.

But if it's a situation, I can tell you a story with, with my youngest.

But any, any just thoughts on that? Because of course as a Navy SEAL it's like, man, doing, doing something you don't wanna do, that's the worst.

How can we help children notice the stories that they're telling themselves, maybe we even put them there, reframe those messages, and build a healthier inner voice?

Yeah, for me, my style, a- and I was fortunate enough to come back from my deployment with SEAL Team 3, uh, from Afghanistan in 2002, and, and w- I was recruited to, um, overhaul the sniper program in the SEAL teams.

And we were fortunate enough to, to work with some of the top performance psychologists and, and that's where I discovered kind of positive psychology or performance psychology.

And for me as a dad, when I left the, the Navy, um, in 2006, and when I left, I was in charge of the SEAL sniper program a- and I was heavily invested in this kind of performance psychology and used it and saw the amazing results.

Like, we used to fail 30% of our sniper students.

When we put this kind of performance psychology in place and, and dealt with issues like self-talk, mental rehearsal, um, the labeling, like you, you mentioned, is, especially for beginners, can be really damaging.

Um, also how you instruct, uh, a, a new beginner.

Mm-hmm.

So how could parents kind of let their kids struggle without feeling like they're failing them?

That's one of those things, I think, that parents, they tend to maybe be a little bit overprotective.

And again, it, it, it comes from this place of, you know, you want the best for your kids and, and I think it does come from a, a place of love.

But in-- I think once you realize that your kids need to experience the struggle...

Uh, it was, I tell a story of, of Madison when she was-- her and her older brother were testing for their, uh, I think it was their purple belt in taekwondo.

And I was, I drove up to Paso Robles, where my ex was living at the time, for the test, the test day.

And you're in this, um, you know, this commercial building, and the mats are out there, and the students are all like sat on the floor, and they, they each go through all their drills.

I wanna hear all of your performance techniques, because, like, when you say, like, Navy SEAL sniper training, I'm like, "This is hardcore, Brandon." So, like, what's, like, one technique that you use from that training in your parenting?

All right, let's get back to my legend, my good friend, Brandon Webb.

Well, first, the core, kind of the core principles are what I just said, like self-identifying limiting factors.

And a lot of time we put these on ourselves.

So it's that.

It's a very good mental rehearsal routine, like learning how to practice in your head for not only, you know, great performance, but the moments where things go bad.

You can practice and rehearse contingencies for when things go bad.

And that's super important.

Can you give an example?