Mike Chaffee, you've got to read that thing.

But the thing is that there's no...

Like, I'm still responsible for slander and libel.

You can sue me if I say something.

Right.

But, you know, when things are fabricated on the web or perpetuated that aren't true.

Also, by the way, I've never had this professional wrestling outlook towards entertainment.

But I say the

[laughing]

And, um, shut up.

And my, and, um, the producers requested that I brought my dog JoJo out here tonight to perform for you, and, uh, um, because of a car accident, uh, JoJo died earlier today, and, um-

[laughing]

I don't know what to do.

So, um, um, I would like to, um, um, I would like to replace, um, JoJo tonight, um, with my father, Tom Goldthwait.

Um, Tom, come on out.

Come on out.

Really?

Yeah, so I took out my phone to take a picture of him.

And I thought, wow, this is really meta.

Like, if somebody saw me, like, is that Bobcat Goldthwait taking a picture of Dice Clay? That would make a great picture.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But the difference is, like, if I'm in Staples, you know, I'm just going, hey, how you doing? Do you have any three-hole paper? I'm not walking around, oh, I need some toner.

That's really what he was doing.

and then maybe she should have an abortion.

[laughs]

I met Grover when I was directing The Kimmel Show and he was a guest one day.

And when he was like, uh, you know, he, when he said, "Hello, Bobcat," I was like, "Oh, my God, this was probably where I got this persona," and not knowing it that much.

But, um, you know, it, it was much easier to be somebody else on stage than myself.

Uh, uh, all my c- all my co- comedic heroes, um, well, not all of them, but most of them be it, uh, you know, Andy Kaufman or Groucho Marx or anybody, they switched into this other thing and, and I, I kinda liked having a persona because I didn't m- I don't, I didn't, I didn't like to...

I wouldn't say things that I didn't believe in, but at the same time I didn't really care too much if people thought I was crazy or not or knew anything about me one way or another.

I, I, I like the, I like, I, I actually do think the movies that I make, um, kinda reveal more about how I see the world than, than, than my, my stand-up might even be.

[laughs]

[laughs]

Heaven forbid.

I'm not as smart as our president, and, you know, and, and, and, and all that, but, um, I don't wanna be, I don't wanna be rude, but, like, weren't the Iranians the bad guys a little while ago?

[laughs]

I'm so confused on what's going on.

Like, there was all these guns, and there was all these, uh, the m- money.

We had I- Israelis, uh, we gave...

Israelis sold arms to the Iranians, right? And I'm not trying to be a, I'm not trying to be a racist, but, uh, uh, apparently there's, like, some kind of profit made by the Israelis, and, and that sounds pretty odd to me.