Is it consuming from everybody else or your own mind? You're like, "What went wrong? How do I figure that out?" Or is it the press, the fans sort of frustration?

No, everything, I think it's, there's-- I think first and foremost it comes down to, to you.

You, you, you look for things, you search for things that, you know, you think that didn't go well, could do better.

What am I gonna do to take the team forward again? Going into the summer, um, it just, so much goes through your head.

And then I found that I was going back to all the work that I'd been doing in terms of writing stuff down and then going, "No, that's not, that's not it.

That's not it.

That's not it.

[laughs]

Is it consuming from everybody else or your own mind? You're like, "What went wrong? How do I figure that out?" Or is it the press, the fans' sort of frustration?

[lip smacks] No, everything, I think it's, there's-- I think first and foremost it comes down to, to you.

You, you, you look for things, you search for things that, you know, you think that didn't go well, could do better.

What am I gonna do to take the team forward again? Going into the summer, um, it just, so much goes through your head and then I found that I was going back to all the work that I'd been doing in terms of writing stuff down and then going, "No, that's not, that's not it.

That's not it.

That's not it.

That's not it." And almost just coming up with things that probably weren't there because I had so much time.

[laughs]

England's first innings a bit light again?

Um, yeah, and well, no, I think we did pretty well to, to get up to the, um, you know, close to the total that, you know, New Zealand ended up putting on the board.

And, you know, I think as the, as the game gone on, you could see what the weather had done to the, to the pitch.

You know, it was pretty, pretty docile in the first sort of day and a half, and then when the heat started to bake the wicket, it started to become a little bit more up and down.

And, you know, that's one of the great things about, you know, Test cricket is that, you know, every day is different to the one before it, and, you know, you probably know that it's gonna be different th- uh, for every day after that as well.

So, um, look, conditions changed and, um, you know, I think, you know, having to adapt to those things, I, I think both teams did that pretty well.

And I think looking back, obviously at the start of the game, uh, New Zealand being 320 for none was obviously a, a big part of it.

[laughs]

And how do you feel about that now?

Yeah, you, there's, there's, uh, lots of emotion.

There's, there's, you know, sadness, there's relief, there's happiness, there's excitement.

Um, you know, 'cause, you know, I've...

I absolutely love cricket, I love the sport and, and that's, you know, something that I need to make sure that I, that I always feel like I'm doing.

And, um, over the last, you know, six months, 12 months, however long it may be, there's been certain moments where I felt like I haven't loved it.

Um, and, you know, my time last week back with Durham, um, there wasn't a moment where I didn't.

Are y- you gonna play on?

And would that be a fair interpretation of that comment? Have you been, in the aftermath of the Ashes, struggling with the expectation, the demands, the pressure of the job? We've all been there.

Look, I think y- I think it's nice that someone who knows what it is like as England captain asking me that question 'cause if I was to sit here and say, "I've done this job for four years, and I'm, you know, it's been no stress, it's been nothing that's come of it," you know, you know that I'll be lying.

It's a, it's a job that requires resilience.

It's a job that requires time.

It's a job that requires so much effort, and, um, you sort of, I guess you're never really able to switch off from it.

You're always on.

Um, and you know, over the last six months, I guess I could look back on how sort of have I thrown myself a bit too much into it? Have I given myself enough slack after Australia? Um, maybe was I a bit little bit too hard on myself? But over the last couple of weeks, others, I'll give you like, to be truthful, like there's just been a almost a well, you know, look, this could have all been taken away from you again.

Can you draw on that inspiration this week?

Have you got anything to say about, about the surface? It's been, it's been talked about a lot.

Yeah, look, I, I think there's two sides to it.

For me, it's, again, i- i- test cricket, it's tough.

It presents its challenges.

And when you get something like that, again, you need to go away as a team and go, "Right, okay, this is what it is.

We've got to do this.

This is what's in front of us.

You don't want a road either.