I, I remember one thing you wrote about it at one point was kind of the, the surprise of the loneliness of it, of this past year, you know, that you just, you had 60 plus years of waking up and talking to somebody else, making breakfast together, sharing coffee, looking at the newspaper, talking about the news, going to bed at night and reflecting on the day, and that's just such a big, big change that I don't know how much people talk about.

I certainly did not realize the significance of it, and I, and I don't think it's, it's talked about very much unless you've been in those shoes, and then you really realize.

You know, um, for 65 years, basically, we were a we, and then this last year I have become a me, and I don't know how to be a me.

Um, I've had to learn, uh, what, to, to do what I wanna do, because it was always we would consider each other, um, 24/7.

That's just how it was for 65 years.

And I didn't realize that in grief, that probably the biggest Challenge in my grieving has to learn how to be a me.

And, um, you know, I talk about advanced directives and I talk about learning, um, the, the role that the other person plays, and I tried to get information, uh, but he would say, "Oh, not now, Barbara.

Well- I, I just think, you know, people talk about that first year of losing someone being so, so difficult and I don't know, Barbara, what, what did you find as you sit here at the precipice of year two?