Even small children?

In the small children.

Yeah.

They can start withdrawing themself from, you know, from playing with the friends or they will switch to the fight mode.

You know, they ...

The, the one of the trauma responses will come up so they can go to the freeze mode which is that like depression withdrawal and s- you know, that.

Or they can go to the fli- fight mode and they will become angry and making tantrums and stuff like that.

Um, so what about teenager if as a parent you messed up on all of that and now they're the best at keeping it all in?

But I'd like to know more about how to I manage my feelings or, you know, do the things or do some of the things that you teach to get a better handle on things whenever I feel like I'm slipping a little bit.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

So actually what you describe is what I call fake resilience.

When we keep going, we're using our power of the will to keep going and also a lot of energy suppress that emotions.

As you said, I don't know what to deal with when they came up.

And that's that state.

So what are some of the techniques or things that you teach to help people learn how to shift their state?

Why has Johnny turned his nose up at me and walk away? Mm-hmm.

Yeah, so quite often it's because just because we do our best doesn't necessarily mean that we met the need of the child.

And my parents also try their best, but it doesn't mean that my needs were fulfilled.

You know, my mom had the accident when I was four.

She was a lot of in hospital.

We were three children living in the one bedroom flat.

You know, my father died his best, you know, working, juggling three little kids, wife in the hospital and all that.

I don't know what you think of that.