Mm-hmm.

And I think we were simply grieving the child and life that we imagined that we would have.

And the journey that we thought we were going on.

And the journey that we're actually on has a lot of worry in it about Ted's future, our future.

It has a lot of pressure to try and develop him and avoid burnout and all of the struggles.

But I think...

And what I did, which is very classic Ashlyn, is I'm going to turn the world upside down and try and learn everything I can about autism.

So I was thinking what you were saying there about... becoming a mum we all know becoming a mum you know brings its own yeah challenges there's so much talk about matrescence and really you know holding that into the light and i'm really happy to hear that that is being vocalized so much more and all that comes with that i'm curious about your adjustment at that time and were you already picking up signs that there were maybe additional support needs early on