You found escape.

Yeah.

Totally.

Totally.

I was very good at escaping.

So with my facilitators, when I was the client, they sat with me and they said, "Take me with you into the darkness." And my autonomic nervous system, my body, your body, all of our bodies know how to get home if we get our mind out of the way, which is why it's a low dose of medicine that gets you out of the mind, secondary consciousness, into the body, primary consciousness.

So we're in level three.

Yeah.

Well,

actually, I'd like to say I'm beyond that because it was a phase.

I think it's better to be strong, self-responsible and go create your own life rather than be a victim and a damsel in distress.

But I wasn't.

In my queen, juicy energy.

I was in my crunchy, masculine control energy.

And I'm like, okay, mom's going to die.

I want to hear all about this.

And so this

particular protocol, psychedelic somatic therapy, Institute.org is where I've learned and studied.

And we stay in the body.

And they've done 10,000 hours of MAPS trials with PTSD veterans.

And what it does is it helps you stay with the feeling, the emotion, the body sensation.

And it helps your autonomic nervous system come back to zero.

It helps your soul come back in your body.

Yes.

And you

go, I did cum laude and I'll have six books and I'll coach celebrities, right? So I utilized it for good, but it wasn't sustainable.

It wasn't sustainable.

I could never rest.

If it was a weekend, I had to listen to all the podcasts.

I had to write another book.

Like I couldn't chill the fuck out.

Yes.

... and what was the price that you had to pay to feel that freedom that you do now?

Yeah, I'm thinking about a client call last night, and she's just, she's a super high achiever.

But man, she is so mean to herself, so critical.

If she doesn't get it perfect, she's really cruel.

Um, and I remember, I remember those days, 'cause I thought if I didn't motivate myself from cruelty and fear and criticism, um, it would all come crashing down.

And that surrender, stop the running, stopping the hypervigilance, stopping the seeking validation, and just being with those parts of ourselves, it takes a lot of courage.

It takes a lot of humility to actually...

[laughs]

Like, the types of problems that you aim at fixing.

So successful people who basically have it all together, but it's not sustainable.

They're running so fast.

They're running away from something, and they know it.

One client was running away from ending a relationship, completely giving away all of her power at work.

Her family was in her business, literally in her business, and she needed to stop.

She needed support.

Yeah.

So.

It doesn't, it doesn't work.

I, I totally hear you.

I completely hear you.

Not that this, uh...

Well, I'd like her to be able to have a relationship with both of her sisters outside of work.

I think it would be a far more balanced relationship, but that same nuance is still gonna be there.

Mm-hmm.