Yeah

... to addiction and suicide, and I don't know.

I actually don't know what ultimately, um, Christopher died of.

I probably should.

But, um, what I know is he was a complicated person, and when I first heard the song, I just bawled, because it could have been about my relationship with my first boyfriend who's gone, and who changed my life in so many, like, I don't think I would be a writer if not for him.

I wouldn't have come out, and he forced me to come out to my parents.

He, he was a life-changing force in my life for a lot of good, and then a lot of bad.

Yeah

Exactly.

I mean, that woman just must copy me all the time.

Um, but I, uh, you know, those memories of Madame X are very wrapped up in pre-COVID life.

We talk about like how we would like drive to play tennis blasting Madame X, and it reminds us of that, like that world.

And you know, post-COVID world feels so different.

We've had so much division.

Um, I think in many ways we didn't learn the lessons we should have from a pandemic that could have united us in solidarity with each other.

... you know, a flash in the pan.

Is there a time that you've had to do that?

Always.

I mean, the biggest example would be that as a queer Iranian, I've constantly been in between these two communities.

So many Iranians throughout my life have told me not to be gay, not to be as out and vocal as I am, and also so many Western queer people have told me to distance myself from the Iranian community-

Is there, like, a time where you had to choose bravery and curiosity over fear?

My books are banned.

One of my books is banned statewide in Utah.

I have speaking agents and they'll tell me, "Oh, there are people who won't go to certain states because they're banning their books or because they're not supporting LGBT rights." And my response is always, "No, send me to those states.

[laughs]

I remember the, um, just of course we all laughed at the time, but of course it also felt, you know, like in a, in that kind of Bacchanalian mood, you can either feel communal ecstasy, and that's so beautiful, or it can twist into rage.

And there was, you know, because we had gotten there early, we met everybody who was in front.

It was, it was all these, like, wonderful group of gays.

We introduced everyone.

We're all communing.

We're having the best time.

Yeah.