Aug 19, 2026 · 22 min · 9 segments
Olivia explores how mindfulness can change the way we show up in our relationships by helping us notice our feelings, reactions, and the stories we create around them. Through greater awareness, we…
And so all good stories start with when I was young, when I was growing up.
And for me, when I was young and growing up, I learned to be a very good listener.
I wasn't necessarily a shy kid, but I was raised to be very polite, to have manners, to listen when other people are speaking, be a very good little girl.
And somewhere along the way, I think I also learned that being in relationship with people often meant making more space for their experience.
And I became really good at that.
listening and supporting, being the person someone could talk to about anything, trying to understand what someone's feeling, how I can figure out what they might need from me or how I can support.
And those certainly aren't bad qualities.
I think it makes me a great friend, great partner, and I still value them.
But I think when we develop a way of relating to other people without much awareness around it, Even something like kindness can become kind of complicated.
And for me, listening became a form of people pleasing.
Supporting others meant I was oftentimes abandoning my own needs so I could meet theirs.
And being understood could become making room for someone else's feelings while quietly deciding that mine weren't important.
And eventually, all of that led to feeling resentment.
I resented being the kind, nice, supporting person, the listener.
And so there were cycles of this.
I would be quiet and accommodating for a long time.
I would make subtle, polite attempts to have people hear me and what my needs were.
And then when I didn't feel heard, all of that emotion would just come boiling up.
I would suddenly think, you don't care how I feel.
I'm a cancer, so of course I cried.
And I tried so desperately for others to understand my experience, for me to explain my experience to them.
And for a long time, I thought becoming a better communicator meant becoming better at explaining myself.
Like if I could find the exact right words, put them together in a sentence, that person will like really truly understand what's happening.
And maybe it would validate me in some way.
Maybe I would feel better and okay.
And so all good stories start with when I was young, when I was growing up.
And for me, when I was young and growing up, I learned to be a very good listener.
I wasn't necessarily a shy kid, but I was raised to be very polite, to have manners, to listen when other people are speaking, be a very good little girl.
And somewhere along the way, I think I also learned that being in relationship with people often meant making more space for their experience.
And I became really good at that.
listening and supporting, being the person someone could talk to about anything, trying to understand what someone's feeling, how I can figure out what they might need from me or how I can support.
And those certainly aren't bad qualities.
I think it makes me a great friend, great partner, and I still value them.
But I think when we develop a way of relating to other people without much awareness around it, Even something like kindness can become kind of complicated.
And for me, listening became a form of people pleasing.
Supporting others meant I was oftentimes abandoning my own needs so I could meet theirs.
And being understood could become making room for someone else's feelings while quietly deciding that mine weren't important.
And eventually, all of that led to feeling resentment.
I resented being the kind, nice, supporting person, the listener.
And so there were cycles of this.
I would be quiet and accommodating for a long time.
I would make subtle, polite attempts to have people hear me and what my needs were.
And then when I didn't feel heard, all of that emotion would just come boiling up.
I would suddenly think, you don't care how I feel.
I'm a cancer, so of course I cried.
And I tried so desperately for others to understand my experience, for me to explain my experience to them.
And for a long time, I thought becoming a better communicator meant becoming better at explaining myself.
Like if I could find the exact right words, put them together in a sentence, that person will like really truly understand what's happening.
And maybe it would validate me in some way.
Maybe I would feel better and okay.
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