Addonis Parker on The Dangerous Lies We Tell Ourselves

If you hadn't been laughed at or been made to feel uncomfortable being an artist-

Mm-hmm

... would you be different today?

If I would've embraced it earlier? I think the road with the, with the, uh, the broken glass and the rocks, with the, uh, part of a dead, you know, carcass possibly, um, mud, all that, I think that road, that...

I, I want that one, the one I did.

The one I was, I had rejected myself because [clears throat] yeah, I never want...

I've been through a lot.

This is more to the story to Adonis even before the art.

Um, I still want it.

I, I still w- I was really, I, I, I wanted to be, not, I'm not saying I wanted to be, but I w- I thank God that I took that road.

I was rejected.

Because what comes out of pain is it's a certain type of hidden fire when you know how to recycle it.

Some people spin out, they crash out.

But when you take that type of pain and you use it almost like solar energy, you know, like a solar, solar panel, and you take that and you put that and you regenerate that, and you redirect that into another aspect of your life, that becomes fuel.

That, that, that becomes the time when you, self-motivation have to kick in when nobody's, uh, appreciating you.

When the lights are, are cut off, everybody's going home, and you sitting there, you have no money.

That's when that, you know, when you by yourself, you talking to God, when do- there's nothing working.

You have no vehicle.

You know, let's say you get having problems at the house, all this other stuff.

You have, you're low on funds.

You got your bills, evictions coming up.

That is when that fuel is important, and you cannot, you can sit there and the worst, the worst, I'll say this, the worst lie you could tell is the one you tell yourself.

And the lie I told myself was like I, man, you, you...

Oh, man.

Shoot.

[sighs] Shoot.

[sighs] I told myself that I, um... [sighs] Oh, man.

Oh, shoot.

Adonis, you're so crazy.

So crazy.

I told myself that I wouldn't make it to 25 and I'll be dead.

I used to tell myself that.

Yep.

You doubled that now.

Yeah.

I did, didn't I?

You doubled it plus three.

Yeah, plus three.

Made it to 53.

Thank God.

Um, oh, man.

Just keep remembering it.

Sorry about that, but I, I remember I used to say that to myself, kept lying to myself, telling me I wasn't gonna make it.

I used to say that for, well, a lot of, lot of reasons.

[sighs] And it's crazy.

I look at my kids now, and it's so funny that, uh, they say stuff to me you don't even, they don't even know that they're reminding me, oh, man.

Sorry.

Reminding me that I should live, you know? [sighs] And it's crazy.

That's why I said don't do more than five minutes.

I'd have been straight.

[laughs]

We're here and we love you.

Yeah.

We love you.

We love you.

My glasses are fogging up.

[laughs] We love you.

Sorry about that.

Y'all please forgive me.

No, no.

It's okay.

Oh, man.

Shoot, why'd you make me think about that? But yeah, [sighs] that was tough.

But I would rather take the road the less, less traveled because so, and I used to think there's so many things that I lost, but I gained so much because God was stripping the negative away from me, and I was holding onto the negative.

And I'm thinking that was my lifeline when I was actually holding poison and holding things that were harming me, and God took that.

He was taking it away from me, and he made me stronger by stripping me, and me facing my fears and my insecurities and anxieties.

Uh, and like I said, I just, it hurt, uh, during the time it was happening.

But God, he brought healing, he brought deliverance, and he brought justice to me because I didn't like myself for a long, a long time.

But, I thank God that he chose me to be the type of artist that I am.

I don't, I'm not ever, I don't care about being the greatest or nothing.

I just want, and I don't even care about respect of being an artist.

I just want, um, I just want my message, whatever he has for me to say to the world, that's what I want, and that's it.

And that's my whole purpose of my life.

And me to be who God's want me, God wants me to be because if, if in, in that case, I'll be a great father, a great friend, a great brother, a great Black man, a great everything.

But I would have to take his instructions first before anything, and I just, I'm happy to be alive, and I'm happy I didn't believe the lie that I told myself years ago.