Jul 7, 2026 · 1 hr 4 min · 12 segments
What if you looked completely successful on the outside—but were silently suffering on the inside? Clinical psychologist, bestselling author, and TEDx speaker Dr. Margaret Rutherford joins Richard…
Richard TaiteHostWe have been so, uh, pummeled with the importance of the symptom checklist in the DSM, in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Psychiatry, that if someone doesn't fit those criteria, they must not be depressed, right? In fact, I have had people tell me their therapists look at them when they say, "I've got this perfectly hidden depression thing.
This is, this is me." "No, you're not depressed." They're not depressed in the classic sense.
Their, th- their lives are, are gonna be full of energy, full of success, uh, well-liked.
Uh, people probably walk up to them and say things like, "You know, how do you get everything you do done? I, I, I wish I had your life.
I wish I had your energy." Where- whereas underneath is this pain that they don't know how to express.
They've either cut that off or n- were never shown or were told it was inex- uh, unacceptable to express pain, uh, or even stay in their feel- a feeling state for long.
I don't wanna be in a feeling state." So the depression looks different.
You know, I got asked to do my TEDx in 2023 because I got a phone call from two women I did not know.
And I talked with them, and one of their best friends had killed herself on Valentine's Day.
Uh, but the, the point of the story was that her husband found my first book on her bedside table, so she had been looking for answers.
You know, tell how old I am by saying, "Called all the time." Uh, they- Reached out to me and said, "What is perfectly hidden depression? What in the hell is that?" I say in the TEDx, we've probably at this point all of us know someone who kills themselves and their life looked great, or we know someone who knows someone that that happened to, because suicide rates are, you know, well, intensifying exponentially.
It's a problem in the mental health industry itself, um, that we are sticking to this very rigid definition of s- of depression.
We have been so, uh, pummeled with the importance of the symptom checklist in the DSM, in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Psychiatry, that if someone doesn't fit those criteria, they must not be depressed, right? In fact, I have had people tell me their therapists look at them when they say, "I've got this perfectly hidden depression thing.
This is, this is me." "No, you're not depressed." They're not depressed in the classic sense.
Their, th- their lives are, are gonna be full of energy, full of success, uh, well-liked.
Uh, people probably walk up to them and say things like, "You know, how do you get everything you do done? I, I, I wish I had your life.
I wish I had your energy." Where- whereas underneath is this pain that they don't know how to express.
They've either cut that off or n- were never shown or were told it was inex- uh, unacceptable to express pain, uh, or even stay in their feel- a feeling state for long.
I don't wanna be in a feeling state." So the depression looks different.
You know, I got asked to do my TEDx in 2023 because I got a phone call from two women I did not know.
And I talked with them, and one of their best friends had killed herself on Valentine's Day.
Uh, but the, the point of the story was that her husband found my first book on her bedside table, so she had been looking for answers.
You know, tell how old I am by saying, "Called all the time." Uh, they- Reached out to me and said, "What is perfectly hidden depression? What in the hell is that?" I say in the TEDx, we've probably at this point all of us know someone who kills themselves and their life looked great, or we know someone who knows someone that that happened to, because suicide rates are, you know, well, intensifying exponentially.
It's a problem in the mental health industry itself, um, that we are sticking to this very rigid definition of s- of depression.
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Hidden Pain Turns Tragic
A heartbreaking call changed her mission
Dating Age Bombshell
He confesses an uncomfortable dating truth
Childhood of Violence Revealed
Host exposes scars from his upbringing
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