#27 - Car Ride Coaching: How Parents Accidentally Crush Confidence S2.9

So, like, say you're driving home and it was a good game, and I wanna be like, "Oh, Mary Beth was playing amazing.

Like, her hits were so good and she's getting so strong." And then at what point do we have to worry about our daughters taking that to mean if I'm praising Mary Beth, then that means my daughter's not good, like when we take it funny.

Yeah, and I think that's where we create a culture where if we are in a space that girls feel like me celebrating somebody else means it's because that, that trait, you don't have it.

So the building up of somebody else is actually taken as, "Well, that means I'm not very good." And so actually changing the culture that every time we celebrate somebody around us, it's because that makes our group better.

And when somebody else is doing something really good, that can be an inspiration for me to learn and be like, "Yeah, I thought she was doing really great, too.

And man, her hitting's been getting so good.

We've been working on that together in practice." And knowing that as she's getting better, so am I, because we are expanding as a group.

We're getting better as a group.

And that if she's doing those things, then so am I.

And so I think it's a culture thing, is that how do we have our athletes understand that when we're celebrating somebody, it's not to put you down.

Yeah.

It is actually building somebody else up builds us up as well.

And that's an emo- emotional maturity thing.

So maybe when they're younger, it starts that way.

But it's like to talk about maybe that's part of the conversation.

Me saying somebody else did something good doesn't take away from what you did good.

So, like, let's n- let's keep those two things separate, and maybe that's part of the conversation.

Yeah.

I do feel like my girls are very good at cheering each other on and be ge- being genuinely excited for each other's successes, and so are your girls.

And I wanna talk about that you've started doing the shout-outs maybe last year, maybe even the year before.

Yeah, I think it actually came from a place of my choice in leadership was not to be telling the girls stuff all the time.

Because then something would happen in a game, and they would look to the bench like, "Well, what are you gonna say?" And it's like, man, my response was always like, "Well, what do you think?" Like, I wanted them to be self-motivated.

I didn't want them looking at me, not only for what they could do different but also for the praises.

Well, I wanted that to be generated internally but then also generated as a team.

And so my just, my, my intent was, well, how do I get them talking more? And so it started at, at the end of a game.